License to Wed Page #2

- You look like you've just been-

- All right, never mind.

We're so going to hell, you know that?

- Hey, here's the door Grandpa built.

- Wow, he does really good work.

Don't touch that!

Jesus! You scared me.

Jesus didn't scare you, I did.

- Hi, I'm Sadie-

- Sadie Jones. Yes, I know.

You have a 10:
30 with Reverend Frank.

Yeah. Is he here?

Reverend Frank is everywhere.

Follow me.

"Dear ELLE magazine:

I just found out that my husband

of three months...

...is cheating on me with my best friend.

Half of me wants to kill him, the other

half wants to salvage my marriage.

What to do?"

Yikes.

What kind of sins are we

dealing with here, guys?

- Sarah.

- Thou shall not commit adultery?

Adultery. Going out for milk

when you have jugs at home.

Show me adultery!

Not neat to cheat! Okay!

Now, a lot of people ask me:

"What if I'm cheating with a woman

who's really, really ugly?

Does that make it all right?"

No, it does not make it all right.

It is still a sin.

What other sins? Anybody?

Don't hesitate to draw on

your parents' bad examples.

- Laurie. Bring it, girl.

- Thou shall not covet thy neighbor's wife.

Starts with coveting, ends with the clap.

Okay, coveting thy neighbor's wife.

That's why God invented

the cold shower. Show me coveting!

Good one, Laurie!

Okay, there's one answer left on the board.

Let's see.

Manny.

Make your two moms proud.

Come on, Manny,

you can murder this one.

While I'm waiting, maybe I'll just

fashion a shiv out of Cindy's barrette.

Take a stab at it.

Thou shall not kill?

Boom, Manny!

Bang, bang, bang!

Show me thou shall not kill!

Oh, good one, Manny!

Manny, Manny, Manny.

That's it for today.

Next we're gonna take

a trip to Arlington Park.

We're gonna find out about

the evils of gambling firsthand.

So bring at least a dollar...

...and remember to ask Mom and Dad

what a trifecta is.

I don't know if you remember me,

Reverend Frank, but...

Sadie Jones?

Little Sadie Jones.

- How you've grown.

- Well, yeah.

And now my Sadie Jones

is gonna tie the knot.

I am.

I'm sorry I haven't been around

for the last...

Ten years.

Yeah.

I've just been trying to get

my business-

Oh, please.

You go to college,

you have a bisexual roommate...

...you forget about God.

Don't sweat it.

He doesn't forget about you.

Who are you?

I'm Ben.

- Ben.

- Hi.

So, what do you do,

besides little Sadie here?

How are you?

All right, let's get the flock out of here.

Come on.

So, how long you two been an item?

- About...

- Like...

Yeah!

It's been teetering there for weeks.

- Cheesy Curl?

- No, thank you.

Too bad, they're addicting.

- Booked.

- Booked. Booked.

Nothing there or there.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes