Kevin James Never Don't Give Up Page #2

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on the side, just rolling down his face.

What kind of sick parent...

gives their child eyeglasses as a gift?

"Well, you know, Leonard,

you were very good this year.

You pulled in an A-minus average.

You were very good to your sister.

You did everything your father

and I asked of you, so...

this year...

we're gonna give you the gift of sight!

Enjoy vision, Leonard. Enjoy it!

Not gonna lie, we were on the fence.

Your father is still against it,

but I was like, 'Larry, he deserves it.'

So, happy birthday, welcome to vision.

You get focus, Leonard. You get focus."

"Thank you, Mommy."

"No. No problem. Now you runand get

your Christmas crutches and hurry back.

We'll talk about that dentist trip

that's always been on your wish list."

By the way, quick announcement

to the lactose intolerant community.

If I offer you ice cream,

and you can't have any,

just say, "No, thank you."

That's it. There is no joke. That's just

the message I want to get out there.

I want to silence the lactose intolerant.

I don't need to know the havoc

dairy products are gonna wreak

on your bowels...

right before I'm about

to dig into my rocky road.

Are we clear? Are we good?

You didn't win an award.

Gotta work it into every conversation?

Why would you ever bring it up?

You can feel them wanting to bring it up.

They're, like, trying to work it in.

It's like double dutch for them.

They're like...

You could be at a buffet table.

You just feel it.

"That looks yummy, but I probably

can't have it. Wanna know why?"

"No. I don't care why. I have no interest.

Just the fact that I can enjoy it

without any problems is enough for me."

"You know what it is?

I don't want to bother you.

I'm just gonna let you know,

I'm lactose intolerant!

Totally intolerant to lactose.

Sorry, it's just better for both of us,

just so you know. It's out there.

I'm lactose intolerant.

And I do CrossFit.

That's it. That's all I wanted to say.

You know,

when I was first diagnosed LI, I...

I decided that very moment

I was gonna live every day to the fullest

and just not let the little things

bother me anymore, unless, of course,

they contain dairy.

Then they're gonna bother me

quite a bit then, but that's me.

That is my cross to bear and anyone

who can hear the sound of my voice.

That's it."

Lactose intolerant.

It didn't exist 30 years ago.

You can't name one person

who was lactose intolerant 30 years ago,

'cause it did not exist.

Actually it did.

It's called a tummy ache.

Toughen up, America. Toughen up!

If you're a man

and you're lactose intolerant,

why would you ever bring that up

to another man?

Can you imagine Spartacus? Like...

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