Jerry Seinfeld: 'I'm Telling You for the Last Time'

Synopsis: Live from New York City, Jerry Seinfeld, aided and abetted by a host of friends and fellow comedians, performs his 1998 Emmy-nominated performance on Broadway.
Director(s): Marty Callner
  Nominated for 2 Primetime Emmys. Another 2 nominations.
75 min

like 8 consonants in a row.

Did you ever see some of

the letters in these names?

What is the "O" with a line through it,

by the way?

What planet is that from?

You need a chart of the elements if

you wanna report the guy.

"Yes, officer, his name was Amal and

then the symbol for Boron."

"No, it's not Manganese.

I had the periodic chart with me at the time."

But I love to travel. I love it whether

it's a car or whether it's a plane.

I like to get out there,

I like to keep it moving.

I love airports. Feel

safe in the airports thanks to the high

caliber individuals

we have working at X-ray security.

How 'bout this crack squad of savvy

motivated personnel?

The way you wanna setup your airport's

security, is you want the short,

heavy set women at the front

with the skin tight uniform.

That's your first line of defense.

You want those pants so tight the flap

in front of the zipper

has pulled itself open,

you can see the metal tangs

hanging on for dear life.

Then you put the bag on the conveyor belt.

It goes through the little luggage car wash.

Then you have the other genius,

down at the other end,

looking at the little X-ray TV screen.

This Eistein was chosen to stand

in front of X-rays 14 hours a day.

It's his profession.

Looking in that thing...

I have looked in that TV screen.

I cannot make out one object.

He's standing there...

"What is that? A hairdryer

with a scope on it?"

"That looks ok. Keep it moving."

"Some sort of bowling ball candle?

Yeah, I got no problem with that, just..."

"You know, we don't wanna hold up the line."

So, I go to the bathroom in the airport.

What is the story on the sinks

in airport bathrooms

That they will not give us a twist-it-on

twist-it-off, human-style faucet?

Is that too risky for the general population?

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Jerry Seinfeld

Jerome Allen Seinfeld is an American comedian, actor, writer, producer, and director. He is known for playing a semi-fictionalized version of himself in the sitcom Seinfeld, which he created and wrote with Larry David. more…

All Jerry Seinfeld scripts | Jerry Seinfeld Scripts

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Submitted on August 05, 2018


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"Jerry Seinfeld: 'I'm Telling You for the Last Time'" STANDS4 LLC, 2020. Web. 20 Sep. 2020. <>.

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