Jackass Presents: Bad Grandpa


- You got me, you got me.

- Yup, I got you good.

- You got me.

- Yup, I got you over a felony.

- Oh, God.

- Have a seat.

Yes, sir.

- Do not get up out of that chair.

- Yes, sir.

I apologize.

Get my shit off.

Get your shit off?

Get my shirt off. Get my coat off.

Get my pants off.

I gotta take your pants off?

- You better believe it.

- Well, that sounds a little weird.

Go in here and

get the damn pants off.

You want me to take your pants

off, that seems a little weird.

Thank you, kind people,

for being here today.

I never thought my wife's

funeral would be filled with

complete strangers, but we've

outlived all our friends.

I was hoping my daughter and

grandson could make it but...

They didn't.

So, I would especially like

to thank the choir

and caterers, and all the nice

people sitting before me.

Thank you.

I wished you could have

seen the young Ellie,

the woman I fell in love with.

She was like a flash

of bright light.

A callipygian princess who drew

people to her like a magnet.

And for those of you who don't

know what callipygian means,

it means she has a nice bottom.

- Ooh.

- She did.

I wish I had

more time with her.

I wish so much of our time had

not been consumed by combat.

I wish I'd tried a little

harder to make that happen.

- Because she's gone now.

- And our history on this earth has been written...


Hi, sweetie.

- Hi, buddy.

- Hi.


This is my

daughter and grandson.

Can I have a word with you?

Yeah, I'm in

the middle of something.

Billy, just stay there

for a second.

I just want to talk to

your granddad outside.

Okay, Mom.

I'm sorry. Excuse me.

Hi, Billy.

What's so important?

Listen, I'm sorry that she's

dead and everything,

but I'm in some serious shit,


- What is it this time?

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Submitted on August 05, 2018


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"Jackass Presents: Bad Grandpa" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2019. Web. 21 Nov. 2019. <https://www.scripts.com/script/jackass_presents%3A_bad_grandpa_11126>.

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