Hot Shots! Page #3

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18 months ago for wilfull insubordination.

You disobeyed a direct order

and lost a $13m fighter in the process.

Yes, I did. But I'm payin' it off

at ten bucks a week.

I should have gotten

that extra collision coverage.

Wasn't your father involved

in a similar incident?

- What do you mean?

- Leland "Buzz" Harley.

Three Purple Hearts,

presidential commendation.

Then this incident -

the Dominic Farnham death.

1971, his Visa card was cancelled.

1975, a broken man, suffocated while working

the night shift in a Photomat booth.

Tell me how these events affected you.

Well, I don't think about it much.

That was a long time ago. Now if you'll

excuse me, I have some guns to grease.

Lieutenant,

have you thought about

seeing a psychiatrist on a regular basis?

I thought you'd never ask.

I mean professionally.

Thanks, Doctor.

Thanks for the advice.

- Be careful out there.

- I can take care of myself.

- No. You're going to get hurt.

- I don't need your help, or anybody's.

I'll be just fine.

Are you OK?

Yeah. I'm fine.

Attention on deck.

At ease, men.

Be seated.

Many of you are wondering about my pants.

Well, they ran short of material at the knees.

So don't give me any sh*t.

Now, I look out there

at all of you guys and I say to myself:

What I wouldn't give

to be 20 years younger,

and a woman.

You know, I've flown over 194 missions,

and I was shot down on every one.

Come to think of it, I've never

landed a plane in my life. Now,

you men'll be piloting the backbone

of our proud American arsenal:

The Oscar EW 5894 Phallus

tactical fighter bomber.

Its lightweight swept wing design

makes it extremely maneuverable and agile.

Beneath its 21st-century skin is a highly

advanced avionics and weapons package.

Designed for speed and combat acrobatics,

it features the latest Mrs Halver

series 3800 radar-jamming Framus.

- Admiral.

- Nurse.

Sleepy Weasel's success depends on our

ability to manoeuvre below enemy radar.

I wanna see a major display of low-level

flying. Topper, Kent, you're up first.

- Show me what you can do.

- Copy that, Purple Fluffer Nutter.

Roger that, Milli Vanilli Chilly Willy.

Bring 'em down, boys. I want your bellies to

scrape the sagebrush. Let's see who's best.

I'm heading for the canyon floor.

- For your information, I'm at 150 feet.

- I'm at 3rd and Main.

Very pretty, but enough hot-dogging, Harley.

Just checkin' the traffic.

- How'd I do, big fella?

- Don't get me started, Harley.

Cut the chatter. Topper,

that was vintage Buzz Harley.

You and your dad are two of a kind.

Your ego's writin' cheques

your body can't cash.

Topper! Get back in formation.

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