Hannah Gadsby: Nanette Page #12

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but it's been going

on thousands of years.

There's only ever been two options

for a little girl to grow up into.

Virgin or whore. We were

always given a choice.

Take your pick. Ladies'

choice! That's the trick.

The patriarchy, it's not a

dictatorship. Take your choice!

And I don't fit very neatly

into either of those categories.

Virgin or whore?

I mean, on a technicality,

I'd get virgin.

I know.

Do you know, if you go into a

gallery with ye olde paintings there,

there's a lot of evidence to suggest

that women have existed

for a very long time.

Longer than clothes.

But not this masculine,

off-center, lesbian situation here.

And I... Art history

taught me,you know,

I look at these history women

and I don't feel like

I'm the same species.

There's a lot of things that I do,

and it's not an identity construction.

No, I've... Just

things happen naturally.

And art history taught me that

these things are not really the place

of a woman, you know?

One of the things I do,

I can generate thoughts in

my own brain... unprompted.

I can do that, all the time!

Had another one. They just

come all the time, and...

Art history taught me, you know,

historically, women didn't have

time for the think-thoughts.

They were too busy napping,

naked, alone, in the forest.

Even biologically... I don't

feel like I'm the same species.

For a start, I've got a

functioning skeletal system.

If you go into the galleries,

you see, if a woman's not

sporting a corset and/or a hymen...

she just loses all structure.

Just sort of like...

Just flopping about all

over the place, going,

"Oh, what does, furniture?"

Sidesaddle, tits akimbo.

No wonder we can't reverse park, ladies!

Dumb history women couldn't even

reverse park their arse onto a chair!

Another thing I do

that's not very ladylike

is every day I seem to be able to

finish the getting of the dressed.

Every day!

Not a problem. All the

buttons, all the way up.

I'm quite a vague and

forgetful person, but...

Seem to do it quite easily.

Especially if I'm leaving the

house to get my portrait painted.

Never once have I thought,

"You know what, today,

I must just leave a cheeky one out."

High art.

I'm going to call it, guys.

Bullshit.

High art, my arse.

The history of western art is just

the history of men painting women

like they're flesh vases

for their dick flowers.

Having... said that,

I think I've ruined any chance

of getting a job in a gallery now.

I mean, I could pay to

be a volunteer guide.

'Cause it doesn't get any better

with modern art, I tell you.

I trip on the first hurdle.

Pablo Picasso. I hate him,

but you're not allowed to.

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