Goods Page #2

---

party you're picking up, not your own.

I love the drawing, though.

Yeah, I'm a really good drawer.

I like to draw stomach muscles

the most.

I can also draw Darth Vader's helmet.

I can also draw him.

I can draw a saber,

a lightsaber or a regular sword.

It doesn't even matter.

What the f*** is wrong with you?

Are you drunk?

Are you retarded?

Because we're here to help you.

Don't move. Dad, Amber Alert! Adult!

Stranger danger! Stranger danger! Dad!

Here, relax, Peter, okay? Take a swig.

It looks like it wasn't the fax ink.

He's some sort of man-child.

It's a pituitary problem, ma'am.

He's 10,

in the developing body of an adult.

I'm sorry, buddy. I am totally sorry.

Put it up here. High five.

Good effort there. You must be Ben.

I'm Don Ready.

- That's me.

- And this must be lvy.

Wow! Can I ask you a quick question?

How much does a polar bear weigh?

- No idea.

- Enough to break the ice.

- Don Ready. How are you?

- Wow.

- Went old-school with you.

- Impressive.

I'm Babs.

And, yes, the rug matches the drapes.

And this beautiful man is Jibby.

- Hi.

- What's up?

And who is this guy?

Well, you are a strapping young man.

- Brent Gage, sir.

- Brent Gage, now that is a strong name.

I don't know why, but right off the bat,

I like you a lot.

What's going on?

Peter, let's help the crew

with their luggage.

Awesome. Hold this, Dad. Transformer.

Cute, isn't he?

I'd f*** him.

Hey, what is wrong with you, lady?

He is a child.

We're only gonna be here

for three days,

so try not to fall in love with me.

I'm sorry, has a girl ever bought that?

I'm just, you know, buckshot approach.

I'm just gonna keep firing

till I hit something.

That's delightful.

So, there was a kid up the street,

Chris Bamberger,

had one of those brand-new,

tricked out Krazy Kruisers.

Side brakes,

streamers off the handle grips.

In other words, fully loaded.

What am I driving?

A f***ing Hoppity Hip.

Basically a balloon with a handle on it.

It might as well have had

a bumper sticker on the back that said,

"My parents don't work."

So I walk up to him, hop up to him.

I introduce myself,

and I say, "You seem like a cool guy."

"Why don't you have a Hoppity Hip?"

You know? I tell him it's faster,

it's cooler.

It's got the finger-molded hand grip,

double-enforced bouncing axis.

I work this kid like a pro.

Walked him through the brochures.

Offered him a bubble gum cigarette.

Even threw in some night crawlers

to sweeten the deal.

Bottom line is,

this kid was actually happy

to bounce around on the balloon,

while I rode away on his brand-new,

tricked-out chopper.

I like to think that was my first sale.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes