Synopsis: Fifteen-year-old Ellis is getting ready to leave his luxurious home in the foothills of Tucson for his freshman year at Gates Academy, an East Coast prep school. This means leaving behind Wendy, his flaky, new age mother and the only real father he has ever known, Goat Man.
Genre: Comedy
Director(s): Christopher Neil
Production: Image Entertainment
Rotten Tomatoes:
94 min

A lot.


My flight's in two hours.

The white zone is for

immediate loading

and unloading of passengers...

You don't have to wait.

My flight's not, like, for another hour.

- You sure?

- Yeah.

Go on. The goats are roasting in there.

I'll be fine.

You take care of Wendy, all right?

- I'll call you once I get there...

- Don't worry.

Many rivers to cross, partner.

Bye, guys. Be good.

- I think Frieda ate a map.

- Bullshit.


Damn it.

Wendy has referred to my father

as "Fucker Frank"

for as long as I can remember.

So you can imagine her reaction

when I told her

I had secretly applied

and was accepted here,

the same prep school he went to.

So I heard this story

about this guy who went to Berkeley,

and every night when

he would go to sleep,

he would wake up

and his ass would be sore.

So after three months of this,

'cause it got really bad,

he decided to go to the doctor

and try to find out what's going on.

And the doctor said, "Well, have you

been having any anal sex lately?

"Because that's what it looks like

your ass has been doing. "

And the guy's like, "No, no. I'm straight.

Why would I be doing that?"

So the guy calls the cops to see if they

can maybe figure out what's going on,

and it turns out that his roommate

was knocking him out

with colorform every single night

and butt fucking him. Crazy, right?

Can I hang this on the door?

You must be Barney Cannel.

Yes, sir.

I was hoping Wilt Chamberlain there

was Barney Cannel.

How tall are you, son?

I was 5'10" last time I checked.

- I'm out of shape, though.

- Get in shape. Run for us.

I don't think I'd be any good.

Come on, don't tell me

you're not going to play any sports.

I haven't really thought about it.

Well, think about it.

Dough boy,

we practice every day from 3:00 to 4:00.

Rate this script:(0.00 / 0 votes)

Mark Poirier

Mark Jude Poirier is an American novelist, short story writer and screenwriter who teaches creative writing at Harvard. more…

All Mark Poirier scripts | Mark Poirier Scripts

FAVORITE (0 fans)

Submitted on August 05, 2018

Discuss this script with the community:



    Translate and read this script in other languages:

    Select another language:

    • - Select -
    • 简体中文 (Chinese - Simplified)
    • 繁體中文 (Chinese - Traditional)
    • Español (Spanish)
    • Esperanto (Esperanto)
    • 日本語 (Japanese)
    • Português (Portuguese)
    • Deutsch (German)
    • العربية (Arabic)
    • Français (French)
    • Русский (Russian)
    • ಕನ್ನಡ (Kannada)
    • 한국어 (Korean)
    • עברית (Hebrew)
    • Gaeilge (Irish)
    • Українська (Ukrainian)
    • اردو (Urdu)
    • Magyar (Hungarian)
    • मानक हिन्दी (Hindi)
    • Indonesia (Indonesian)
    • Italiano (Italian)
    • தமிழ் (Tamil)
    • Türkçe (Turkish)
    • తెలుగు (Telugu)
    • ภาษาไทย (Thai)
    • Tiếng Việt (Vietnamese)
    • Čeština (Czech)
    • Polski (Polish)
    • Bahasa Indonesia (Indonesian)
    • Românește (Romanian)
    • Nederlands (Dutch)
    • Ελληνικά (Greek)
    • Latinum (Latin)
    • Svenska (Swedish)
    • Dansk (Danish)
    • Suomi (Finnish)
    • فارسی (Persian)
    • ייִדיש (Yiddish)
    • հայերեն (Armenian)
    • Norsk (Norwegian)
    • English (English)


    Use the citation below to add this screenplay to your bibliography:


    "Goats" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2021. Web. 15 Jan. 2021. <https://www.scripts.com/script/goats_9067>.

    We need you!

    Help us build the largest writers community and scripts collection on the web!

    Watch the movie trailer


    The Marketplace:

    Sell your Script !

    Get listed in the most prominent screenplays collection on the web!

    The Studio:

    ScreenWriting Tool

    Write your screenplay and focus on the story with many helpful features.

    Thanks for your vote! We truly appreciate your support.