Facial for the First Time Page #4

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you know, by myself,

doing my thing.

Yeah, I know what you mean.

I mean, I'm not alone much,

definitely not in my house,

but, um, I have my car.

Some nights, I just like to drive around,

music up, windows down, just--

Have you had sex yet?

What?

Just asking.

Honestly?

No, lie to me.

Not yet.

I mean, not that there haven't been

some opportunities.

Oh, yeah, girls lining up

to have sex with you?

No, that's not what I meant.

You wanna have sex with Jane?

I guess, yeah. But I don't like

to fantasize about, um...

I fantasize about holding her hand

and kissing in the rain.

You know, all that cheesy,

tired romantic sh*t

that you're such a fan of.

And I fantasize about having sex

with Casey Flynn.

Is that an actress I should know?

She's a girl who goes to my school.

She's the girl that everyone wants to have

sex with because she's, you know, mean.

Oh.

Jane's the girl that you want

to be your girlfriend.

The virgin and the skank.

Tale as old as time.

Have you done it yet?

None of your business.

Everything cool has been ruined.

Was before we got here.

Even sex and relationships.

It's all just so safe and convenient.

Homogenized.

Exchange profiles, boil your personality

down to some, like, compatibility equation.

"What's your favorite movie?

Who's your favorite recording artist?"

And then with one easy click,

we too can realize our dream

of boning someone exactly like us.

Get married,

give birth to two and a half babies.

We can all post the pictures

on Facebook or Twitter.

No, that's-- That is not for me.

I wanna meet a man

the old-fashioned way, you know,

like in a bar.

How about a dark alley?

Crazy guy who talks to himself?

Give me your hand.

Which one am I?

The virgin or the skank?

I've never met anyone like you before.

That's a pretty good answer.

# If it be your will #

# If there is a choice #

# Let the rivers fill #

# Let the hills rejoice #

# Let your mercy spill

On all these burning hearts in hell #

I have trouble sleeping

with someone in the room.

Oh. I'll take off.

No.

It's just, sleepovers, camp,

I always hated them.

Not because I minded being away,

but because there was always

some mouth breather next to me.

You don't have to explain.

I'll go.

Not yet. I just, um...

Maybe we could lie here

for a minute.

And I could just close my eyes,

see what it's like.

Is that okay?

Okay.

# All dressed to kill #

# And end this night #

# If it be your will #

# If it be your will ##

Your heart is beating really fast.

I know.

Sony.

It's cool, Hodgman.

Honey, wake up. It's almost 11.

Oh, sh*t.

Aubrey?

Yeah. I'll be out in a minute.

Okay.

Oh. Oh, God, no. I'm so sorry.

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