Doctor Who The Lodger Page #2

Season #5 Episode #11

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DOCTOR:
How very convenient. This'll do just right. In fact.

(Another loud crash from above. The Doctor tests the air with a damp finger.)

DOCTOR:
No time to lose. I'll take it. Ah you'll want to see my credentials. There.

(The psychic paper gets passed behind the Doctor's back and shown to Craig three times as different things.)

The Doctor:
National Insurance number. NHS number. References.

CRAIG:
Is that a reference from the Archbishop of Canterbury?

The Doctor:
I'm his special favourite. Are you hungry? I'm hungry.

CRAIG:
I haven't got anything in.

[Kitchen]

(The Doctor pulls random stuff from the fridge and makes an omelette.)

The Doctor:
You've got everything I need for an omelette fines herbes, pour deux. So, who's the girl on the fridge?

(A photograph of Craig and Sophie, along with the Vincent van Gogh Self-portrait in Straw Hat postcard.)

CRAIG:
My friend. Sophie.

The Doctor:
Girlfriend?

CRAIG:
A friend who is a girl. There's nothing going on.

The Doctor:
Oh, that's completely normal. Works for me.

CRAIG:
We met at work about a year ago, at the call centre.

The Doctor:
Oh really, a communications exchange? That could be handy.

CRAIG:
Firm's going down though. The bosses are using a totally rubbish business model. I know what they should do. I got a plan all worked out. But I'm just a phone drone, I can't go running in saying I know best. Why am I telling you this? I don't even know you.

The Doctor:
Well, I've got one of those faces. People never stop blurting out their plans while I'm around.

CRAIG:
Right. Where's your stuff?

The Doctor:
Oh, don't worry, it'll materialise. If all goes to plan.

[TARDIS]

(Amy is running around the console and sparks are flying off it. The TARDIS tries to land but if fails and goes off into the time vortex.)

Amy:
Come on, which one? Which one? No. Why won't you land?

[Flat]

(Craig sits down on the couch while The Doctor sits on a chair beside him. He is very satisfied from The Doctor's omelette.)

CRAIG:
Oh, that was incredible. That was absolutely brilliant. Where did you learn to cook?

The Doctor:
Paris, in the eighteenth century. No, hang on, that's not recent, is it? Seventeenth? No, no, no.

Twentieth. Sorry, I'm not used to doing them in the right order.

CRAIG:
Has anyone ever told you that you're a bit weird?

The Doctor:
They never really stop. Ever been to Paris, Craig?

CRAIG:
Nah. I can't see the point of Paris. I'm not much of a traveller.

The Doctor:
I can tell from your sofa.

CRAIG:
My sofa?

The Doctor:
You're starting to look like it.

CRAIG:
Thanks, mate, that's lovely. No, I like it here. I'd miss it, I'd miss-

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