Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood Page #2

Ya-Ya.

Ya-Ya!

Surprise, surprise. Mama's henchmen.

Connor! Come here and meet the Ya-Yas.

- You don't seem surprised.

- Of course not.

Whenever Mama can't handle something,

y'all swoop in.

I'm Connor McGill.

I'm pleased to meet you.

- I'm Caro. This is Teensy.

- Hello.

- And I am Necie.

- Necie.

- You're a very nice-looking young man.

- Thank you.

Of course I'm just talking about

looks here, but you look just fine.

Thank you. Please.

Now, before y'all start,

I have just one thing to say.

It's not gonna work.

Listen, petit bb...

...no one on earth understands better

than us how crazy your mama is.

We won't dispute that. She's mad

as a hatter. That won't change.

- Preaching to the choir.

- She's been like that.

Sidda, the very fact that your mama is

the way she is, if you really knew...

...it's nothing less

than a triumph of the will.

Did you say "will" or "pill"?

Don't take that tone. You want

to get all scrappy, deal with me.

That is just it!

I don't want to get "all scrappy."

I'm sick of fighting.

I'm sick to death of this "center

of the universe, holier than thou...

...nothing is ever enough,

'Oh, how I've suffered...

...fix me a drink, hand me a Nembutal,'

worn-out Scarlett O'Hara" thing!

- She's got her pegged all right.

- I am finished! Done!

That is gone with a D!

- Wait. Did Mama send you?

- Are you out of your mind?

She'd skin us alive

if she knew we were here.

We said we were going to a spa

with no alcohol.

Teensy joined the triple-A.

The point is, Sidda...

I'm starving.

We know when we're licked.

Let us take you to dinner. We'll get

on the first plane in the morning.

No questions asked.

Broadway!

I just can't get over it.

Your mama is so proud!

For God's sake, we said

we wouldn't talk about Vivi.

We took a solemn oath,

and there you go!

It was an accident.

Why don't somebody go to the bathroom?

That always makes the food come.

I'll go.

I need to call Connor anyway.

Wait, what is it?

I got it from a caddy at the club.

It's a "Roofie" or something.

- He said it'd knock her on her ass!

- No! Roofies!

That's the date rape drug! We can't!

She's a teetotaler

with these little drinks!

Then what?

We can't conk her on the head!

Give her half.

She's a Walker, she can take it!

Here she comes!

I had to taste it.

It's delish!

Didn't work.

The food, it didn't come.

It didn't, did it?

Guess not.

Well...

...here's to Mama.

Long may she rave.

Ya-Ya!

No!

No! What is wrong with you women?!

- Sleeping Beauty is up.

- Sleeping tiger. I'll make coffee.

I'll get the whip.

I have a play in rehearsal,

a fianc and a headache!

We flew you first class.

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