Dirty Tricks Page #2

Things were looking up.

An Oxford education.

Tradition and the pursuit

of excellence.

The dreaming spires.

I'm sure I'd believed

in all that

in my time as a student here.

But as things were,

I'd ended up a slave

in the Clive Phillips School

of English for foreigners,

a bucket shop of the worst sort

run by a diminutive

barrow boy who...

Well, see for yourself.

I hear Dennis and Karen Parsons

asked you to dinner.

Small world, isn't it'?

Well, I'm not sure

I like members of my staff

consorting with my accountant.

And his lovely wife, Karen.

You're late.

Not a thing to be

when your contract's

nearly up for renewal.

You owe me 7 exactly.

Why's that, Clive?

'Cause I pay you 6 an hour,

and you are

an hour and 'lo minutes late.

How did you get on with Karen'?

Isn't she a lovely girl'?

You know your trouble,

my friend'?

You haven't

marketed yourself properly.

These days an Oxford education

isn't worth the paper

it's printed on.

Cash is the bottom line.

See, look at me.

Look at what I've got.

And I'm a total yob, really.

[indistinct talking]

Morning.

Sorry I'm late.

Right.

I have recorded

a simple conversation

between me and a lady.

How you say --

with the big jugs, no'?

No, Massimo.

Am I not early, yes'?

No.

Sit down, please.

EDWARD:
Hello there.

Can I get you anything?

WOMAN:
Yes.

I will give you some money

so that you can buy me carrots.

EDWARD:

Give me 20.

WOMAN:

20 is too much.

EDWARD:
Why is it too much'?

Please tell me.

- Karen.

- I had to come.

You have to go.

If Clive sees you here,

I'm fired.

Denny does Clive's books.

I have privileges.

We can't talk here.

You can say what you like

in front of this lot.

I teach them. None of them speak

a word of English.

Really'?

- Yeah. Just talk quickly.

We can't have an affair.

I love Denny.

Well, who said

anything about love'?

We can't have an affair.

I can't...

This is fun.

Can I really say

anything I like?

Apparently, yes.

Denny and I

don't have sex anymore.

And I want it.

I think about it all the time.

But I love Denny.

So, what's your problem?

Sorry.

I really like you

and everything.

I just can't.

So, uh, Garcia.

What did you think

that conversation was about?

I think he wants to shag her.

But she says she don't want.

Although she do want.

Women always do want.

But she want dollar to shag him,

and he only offer her carrots.

Uh, yeah, yeah.

That's -- That's nearly there.

Let's -- Let's carry on,

shall we,

and see if -- if you were right.

But she got Dennis

to ask me 'round again.

I knew she would.

Karen and I understood perfectly

the complicated rules

of our relationship.

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