Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly Page #2

---

I'm going to race him.

I knew it was a bad idea.

But I was high.

I tried to explain to him

that it was a bad idea.

But all that came out was

Well, maybe sometimes we gotta race?

All right!

Man, that light turned green.

And Chip took off.

Zig-zagging and sh*t so

no one could pass him.

The other car didn't

know it was racing.

Then the police seen us.

And pulled us over.

You understand I'm scared as sh*t.

I mean, come on.

The car smells like weed.

He was speeding.

This man is f***ing drunk.

I'm scared.

Chip was not scared at all.

It was weird. He didn't

even turn his radio down.

Isn't that weird, a little bit?

I mean you get pulled over,

wouldn't you turn your radio down?

Nobody wants to get their ass

beat for a soundtrack and sh*t.

You know what I'm saying?

Chip in the music blasting.

We're not gonna take it.

Earlier today, just relax.

Close your butt cheeks.

Relax.

Let me do the talking.

You wanna know what he said?

This is almost exactly what he said.

I couldn't believe it. He says.

Sorry, officer, I...

I didn't know I couldn't do that.

I was f***ing shocked!

The cop said, well now you know.

Get outta here. Get

the f*** outta here.

Chip said, okay. I will, sir. Thank you.

What?

What's wrong with you, Dave?

I didn't know I couldn't do that.

He said, that was good, wasn't it?

Because I didn't know

I couldn't do that.

I'm shocked.

I wasn't shocked at the audacity.

I was just shocked because I

would've never thought to say that.

I don't think anybody I knew

would think to say that because

they know we know the law.

Every black dude in this room is a

qualified paralegal and sh*t.

He knows the law.

If one of us even start

to do something wrong,

an old black man would

pop out of nowhere.

Nigga, don't do that. That's 5 to 10.

Watch out.

We know the laws and the penalties.

Chip didn't even know he couldnt race.

I'm not saying I don't like police.

I'm not saying that.

I'm saying I'm just scared of them.

Nothing wrong with that.

Sometimes we want to call them to0.

Somebody broke into my house once.

This is a good time to call him.

But I went, I don't know.

The house is too nice.

It ain't a real nice house but

they'll never believe I live in it.

They'd be, he's still here!

Oh my God.

Open and shut case.

Johnson.

I saw this once before

when I was a rookie.

Apparently this nigga broke I n and hung

up pictures of his family everywhere.

Well, let's sprinkle some crack

on him and get out of here.

That's that whole brutality thing.

That's common knowledge, man.

There was a time when only

minorities knew about that.

I won't say whites wouldn't believe us.

But they were a little skeptical.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes