Dark Command Page #2

AND LET'S HAVE PLENTY OF SAWDUS ON THE FLOOR.

AND ALSO SEVERAL CUSPIDORS.

NOW LET ME SEE.

OH, YES, WE CAN PU THE BEER BARRELS OVER THERE

AND A BAR WHERE THE PIANO IS.

OH, AND THERE I WAN A LARGE PICTURE

OF DANCING NYMPHS.

BUT BE SURE AND KEEP

THIS SPACE CLEAR

FOR BRAWLING PURPOSES.

WHAT ARE YOU RAVING ABOUT?

BOTH YOU AND FLETCH AC LIKE YOU'RE IN A SALOON,

SO I JUST THOUGHT I'D MAKE YOU

FEEL AT HOME, DAD.

I'M SORRY, DEAR.

WELL, GO ON, APOLOGIZE

TO YOUR SISTER FOR MAKING

A DEPLORABLE SCENE.

I'M SORRY, SIS.

ALL RIGHT, ELLIE,

YOU MAY GO.

BUT DON'T FORGET THE SAWDUST,

JUST IN CASE.

NOW WHAT'S ALL THIS YELLING

ABOUT A GUN, ANYWAY?

THE HOT-TEMPERED YOUNG FOOL

MUST CARRY A GUN BECAUSE

THE PLACE SWARMS WITH YANKEES,

AND HE WANTS TO GE INTO TROUBLE.

LISTEN, SIS. I'M OLD ENOUGH--

[ Shouting ] STOP YELLING

AT ME! A SOUTHERNER NEVER

RAISES HIS VOICE!

[ Clears Throat ]

[ Quietly ]

NEVER.

THAT'S RIGHT, DEAR.

FOLLOW YOUR FATHER'S EXAMPLE.

HE NEVER FORGETS HIMSELF.

WELL, I'M GONNA TOTE A GUN,

AND NO ONE'S GONNA TAKE I AND OFFEN ME.

FLETCH McCLOUD,

WHERE IN THE WORLD DID YOU

PICK UP SUCH LANGUAGE?

"TOTE, " "OFFEN. "

GIVE ME THAT GUN.

A COWBOY CAME:

THROUGH TOWN ONE DAY,

AND HE GOT BIG IDEAS.

HE'S BEEN WANTING TO TOTE--

CARRYA GUN EVER SINCE.

FLETCH, I JUST SAW

A RUFFIAN WITH A GUN.

HE WAS NO MATCH:

FOR WILL CANTRELL,

WHO MERELY USED HIS BRAIN.

YES, BUT--

OH, HUSH. NOW,

NOT ANOTHER WORD OUT OF YOU.

GO ALONG.

STOP AGGRAVATING YOUR FATHER.

OH, DAD, I WONDER

IF YOU'D LET ME--

NO!

YOU TWO-- SHAME ON YOU.

IF I WEREN'T AROUND, YOU'D BE

AT EACH OTHER'S THROATS ALL DAY.

WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO

WHEN I GET MARRIED?

DON'T YOU WORRY ABOUT US.

DID CANTRELL ASK YOU

TO MARRY HIM?

UH-HUH.

GOOD, SPLENDID.

I DIDN'T SAY I'D ACCEPTED HIM,

NOW, DID I?

OH, HE'S A SMART MAN, MARY.

AMBITIOUS, HARD WORKER.

BE A BIG MAN SOMEDAY.

I LIKE A LITTLE ONE

I CAN BOSS AROUND.

OH, NO, NO, NO.

I'M SERIOUS. HE'D MAKE

A GOOD HUSBAND FOR YOU,

THAT LAD.

HIS GRANDFATHER WAS SCOTCH.

I WOULDN'T THINK OF GETTING

MARRIED UNTIL YOU AND FLETCH

ARE OLD ENOUGH TO STOP FIGHTING.

THE CARRIAGE IS READY, SIR.

THANK YOU, TOM.

I'M GONNA BE IN DODGE CITY

FOR ABOUT A WEEK.

IF I COULD KNOW YOU'LL TAKE

CANTRELL, I COULD BUY YOU

A HANDSOME WEDDING PRESENT.

WHAT ARE YOU,

A BANKER OR A MATCHMAKER?

THERE YOU ARE, SIR.

HA! SMOOTH

AS A BABY'S... LEG.

YOUR HONOR, THEM'S

THE KINDEST WORDS I'VE HEARD

FROM A JUDGE IN YEARS.

MOSTLY THEY SAY,

"THIRTY DAYS. "

MY FRIEND, YOU MAY PAIN A SHAVING MUG WITH THE NAME

"JUDGE BUCKNER"...

AND COUNT UPON ME

AS A STEADY PATRON

NOW THAT YOU'RE ESTABLISHED.

TWO BITS.

OH, TUT, TUT, TUT.

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