Damsels in Distress Page #2

"Prevention is nine-tenths the cure"?

Well, in the case of suicide,

it's actually 1 0-tenths the cure.

- Those are clichs, aren't they?

- Yes, they are.

lt's interesting you say that. l love

clichs and hackneyed expressions.

- Do you know why?

- No.

Because they're largely true.

The hundreds,

perhaps thousands...

...of such clichs

and hackneyed expressions...

...that our language

has bequeathed us...

...are a stunning treasure trove

of human insight and knowledge.

- Really?

- Yes. Oh, please sit down.

During these formative

college years...

...we should learn as many clichd

and hackneyed thoughts as possible.

Furthermore, l think we will.

Speaking of suicide prevention,

do you have a boyfriend, Lily?

- Are you dating anyone?

- l don't see the connection.

- You don't?

- Boyfriends are a primary suicide risk.

You don't have

any particular friend?

No one at all?

No. Well, there's this grad student

l met over summer.

Xavier.

We became pretty good pals.

He has a girlfriend whom l've met.

She's very nice.

"Zavier." With a Z?

- No, l think it's with an X.

- No, l'm certain it's Z.

Zavier, like Zorro.

lt's the same sound.

Zorro marked his name with a Z.

lt's an X.

But Zorro's with a Z.

Okay, let me see

if l can figure this out.

Used at the beginning of a name,

Z and X have the same pronunciation.

- But it's Zorro with a Z.

- Actually, there were two Zorros.

One spelled his name with a Z

and made a Z mark for Zorro.

And there's Xorro

who spelled his name with an X...

...and with his sword

he'd make an X mark.

What was really unfair was

because he marked his name with X...

...everybody assumed

he was illiterate...

...when he was spelling correctly.

- Hello.

- Can we help you?

Of course we can.

No case is too challenging.

- Would you like a doughnut?

- Okay.

Please, sit down.

- Here, have some coffee.

- Thank you.

- What's your name?

- Jim Bose.

- But my friends call me Jimbo.

- Why?

- What?

- Why do your friends call you Jimbo?

Well, it's a contraction of Jim and

the first part of my last name, Bose.

Yeah, l got that. But why bother?

- What do you mean?

- Jim is already a lovely name.

lt's short, simple, evocative.

Shouldn't a nickname

simplify the name that it replaces?

Jimbo doesn't really

simplify anything.

l don't know.

Well, maybe you should ask

your friends.

Where do you live or reside?

Doar Dorm.

- Oh, my God. Yuck.

- What?

- The smell, it's notorious.

- What smell?

You're right, it's more like a stink.

Unclean clothing, l'd say, mostly.

- Vomit.

- Stale beer.

Pot. Cheap deodorant.

There might be a vermin infestation.

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