Cellmates

I was born

as a good Southern boy.

The night I come into this world,

My mama looked out the window

And she could see a cross

burnin' on the hills yonder,

A big, bright cross burnin'

on the rolling hills of Texas.

And my papa helped

raise that cross.

He was part of a certain american institution,

If you know what I mean. ( Chuckles )

Yes, sir, the klan was big back in those days.

And when I was old enough

to stand on my own two feet,

I joined, too.

I rose to prominence

early on in the klan.

They took to calling me

Leroy "The White Knight" Lowe

back then.

I ran for political office

in Beaumont, Texas in 1952

With the backing of the klan.

I lost by 28 votes.

But i never let none of that

dampen my spirits, no, sir.

I traveled the south

in the heyday of the klan,

Vowing to rid the land

of communism, socialism,

And any other "isms."

I married a good klan woman.

And upon the death of the Texas

Grand Dragon carl Winchcombe,

I was elected Grand Dragon

Of the Texas Knights

of the Ku Klux Klan.

But by the time

I made Grand Dragon,

The liberal elements turned

their reformist eye to the klan

And it wasn't long before

they sought to take me down.

In the winter of 1976,

I found myself a reluctant guest

Of Low Lee Tuna prison

work farm in Tuna, Texas.

I shared my predicament

with Bubba Mccarthy,

Proud card-Carryin'

klan member.

You ever notice how everything

good out there is white?

You got whitey ford...

You got white bread...

You got snow white...

( Door opens )

Well, well, well...

Welcome to to Low Lee Tuna state prison, folks.

Merve merville, one rabid dog of a warden.

Well...

( laughs )

What have we got here?

( Laughs )

Bubba Mccarthy...

( clears throat )

Two counts of fraud, one count of federal fraud,

Sentenced to one year and four months.

Well, that's a slap

on the wrist, if you ask me.

Leroy Lowe, Grand Dragon

of the East Texas chapter

of the Ku Klux Klan,

Sentenced to three years

for conspiracy against

the United States government,

Three counts

of misapplying funds, tax evasion.

I'm warden Merville,

and L'm the law here at Low Lee.

Out there, you follow

the lord's ten commandments.

In here, you follow mine,

and I only got one--

Work like a dog

so you can produce the best

Dad-Gummed potatoes on god's green earth!

Now, some folks call me

The potato king

of the southern United States.

That's 'cause our prison fields

produce the finest award-Winning

potatoes in the entire south.

We got packin' potatoes,

peelin' potatoes, pickin' potatoes.

And if you think potato pickin' is a walk in the park

In 99% humidity and 100-Degree weather,

You got another thing comin', son.

Meet east texas dirt, gentlemen.

Eighty-Three percent clay,

high alkaline content,

And hard as a son of a b*tch.

Now, that dirt needs to be softened up

If them potatoes are gonna grow.

Somebody's gotta loosen that dirt.

You ruffle my feathers,

and i will introduce you

To a world of pain Texas-Style.

You klan folks ain't nothin'

But a hate-Mongerin' bunch of trouble makers.

Maybe your mama didn't love you enough,

Or maybe she love you too much.

Whatever the cause for your disease,

I can tell you this, I'm the cure!

And that's when i heard it--

A low moan somewhere in the distance,

The grumble of portentous things to come...

The wail of the ragin' wind

of destiny headin' my way.

Yes, sir, things was gonna change

In unimaginable ways,

And there was

nothin' i could do

To avoid what was comin'.

Hey, Leroy, did you ever hear that business

About George Wallace and George Mcgovern?

What about George Wallace and George Mcgovern?

Said in the june issue of the white Tuna weekly

That they're illegitimate brothers.

George wallace, the governor of Alabama?

The two of 'em got the same bushy eyebrows,

Same runty teeth,

same bags under their eyes.

- How they figured?

- Everyone knows mcgovern's old man was a minister.

- A philanderin' and womanizin' one, too.

- ( Chuckles ) sure was!

It's pretty clear what happened.

- How you mean?

- In 1918, Mrs. Wallace got a job as an assistant

to Mcgovern senior.

How that turn out, huh?

Well, story goes that when Mrs. Wallace moved back

to Alabama, August 25th, 1919,

She gave birth to a son, George Wallace, jr.

Now every time he flashes a runty grin,

Folks wonder why he looks a darn lot like George Mcgovern.

- They even got the same name!

- You couldn't give birthto two more different men, if you tried.

- It's a mystery of nature how that can happen.

- Governor Wallace is a hero.

- Must be something in the water up north.

- Well, they come out with their heads screwed on sideways up there.

- Amen!

Yes, sir, me and Bubba

Was just like June and ward Cleaver,

Two birds of a same-Colored feather./i

You could say we was as perfect a pair

As anybody ever saw

sharin' a prison cell.

- Hey, Leroy.

- Hmm?

- Tell me that story about you drivin' to baton rouge a few years back.

- ( Chuckles )

Well, i was drivin' east for a klan rally.

It was late night

and i was sailin' down i-10,

When this little bitty Mexican

Run right out in front of my brand-New Ford Fairlane.

When i stop, he come 'round my window and he said,

"Excuse me, seor, how about let me have a ride?

I'm going back to mexico."

( Laughs )

you must've been dreamin'!

Ain't no mexican ever wanna go back to Mexico on his own free will!

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