Breakup at a Wedding

Here we come.

Here she is.

Prettiest bride in the world.

Uh-huh.

Isn't she pretty?

I just... I can't.

I'm sorry. Guys, I need

to go back upstairs.

If you truly love someone,

elope.

Trust me, I've been shooting

these sh*t shows for over 10 years.

Weddings are supposed to be

about true love and commitment.

But come on.

That's garbage.

In my experience, everyone's more

concerned about how they look,

or the roast beef

at the carving station,

or the custom napkin rings

than true love.

But I'm an artist.

This is what I do.

Nana hates you?

I catch the one time she smiles.

Recent divorce melting down

at the wedding?

I drop some Sarah McLachlan

on that sh*t, make it a moment.

I'm at your rehearsal dinner.

I'm grabbing your home movies.

I'm buying footage

off of guests.

I'll give you five bucks for it.

Weddings make people go insane,

but I always edit out the crazy.

That is, until...

I met these two.

Your job is to get everything.

That's it.

You got no other job.

This is the hotel here.

I want you to do a master,

kind of like a pan master wide,

and then I want you to just

tilt down on the thing, okay?

Oh, shut the f*** up.

Up until that day,

I had operated...

with a strict code of ethics...

a big part of my success.

There are rules

to this game.

You don't eat with them.

You don't drink with them.

- You don't flirt with them.

- You don't... them.

A.B.R., baby...

Always be rolling.

My assistants

are highly skilled technicians.

This one really upped his game

since graduating high school.

Now what you're about to see is a

different kind of wedding video...

raw, unfettered.

It is quite simply

my masterwork.

You want the other wedding,

man. It's right that way.

- Inhale.

- Breathe.

I can't get up.

But before we go there,

let me introduce you

to the bride and groom.

Right over there.

You see, that's my guy.

That guy's filming us?

That guy's filming us, yeah.

Alison and Phil

seemed normal at first.

Alison was your classic

people-pleaser.

We want it to be

just a really great party.

Just a celebration

of families uniting.

These types of brides

are always a pleasure...

because they rarely fight me

on my methodology...

of complete and total access

to your life.

Hey. Oh, was that tonight?

Have you always wanted

to get married?

When I was a little girl,

I would, like,

take my mom's curtains...

and make them into a veil

and walk around.

Your mom and dad must be super

happy you're getting married.

Uh, yeah.

I don't know if I mentioned

this to you before,

but my mom and dad

actually got divorced,

so, um, they're super happy,

but separately they're happy...

happier separately

than they are together. Um...

I guess that's when the wedding

game kind of stopped being fun.

What changed?

Um, Philip.

Uh, I'm in real estate,

and I was showing this house...

with these perfect

little blue shutters...

and a big tree

in the front yard.

And one day Phil stopped

in front of this house...

and he looked at me

and he said,

"We could be a family. "

And...

Sweetheart, isn't she?

You'd never guess that

behind those innocent eyes...

was a one-way ticket to Crazyville

with a quick stop in Fakersfield.

You all right?

Yeah.

Can I get up now? I really...

I'm better. You good?

It usually helps

my grandma's anxiety attacks.

Oh, that wasn't an

anxiety attack. I'm better.

Oh, you are. You're great.

Yeah, I'm fine. I'm sorry.

I just want to make sure

you're doing okay.

Oh, honey, I... he just told

me that the carving station's...

gonna have a regular light

instead of a red light.

All right?

No.

I know it was a concern...

Dad loves red-lit meat.

He specifically mentioned it

in an e-mail. Okay, okay, okay.

I'll handle it. I'll

handle it. I'll handle it.

The rehearsal dinner...

don't worry about it.

It doesn't matter.

The rehearsal dinner was fine.

Grab the kids!

Give him a tour around

the room, all right?

Okay. All right, dear? See you later.

Bye.

Testing one, two.

Mike check.

Somebody's getting married.

Okay, great.

That sounds great.

I was definitely chicken-faced

at my sister's wedding.

Yeah, you were.

Oh, check it out.

I got something for the boys.

Uh-oh. Oh, shoot.

I'm terrified.

Yes, let's see.

Okay, uh...

Hola, Pio Pio Rico.

Wow.

That's you.

Shoot, I actually

like that, Bena.

Well done, well done.

Grande chupacabra.

Yeah.

Over there.

I'm gonna pick up

the groom interview.

Most groomholes I work with

are either nervous,

drunk or control freaks.

Phil was distracted.

He's so attached to that thing.

It's like it's

an extension of his body.

That's, uh... That's

Teddy, right? What? Yeah.

Hey, Al.

I just missed your call.

Ooh, videographers are here.

What is it that you love

most about Alison?

Whoa. Oh, wow.

Uh, what is it the most

that I love about Alison?

Well, Alison is a powerhouse

in everything she does.

She loves her job.

She's pretty much the most

generous person I've ever met.

Over here.

My brother is gonna bug out.

He loves chocolate.

She's got great posture,

which is really awesome

considering how chest-heavy she is.

Which is also

equally awesome.

Phil's mother really loves

pink and chocolate,

so we picked pink

and chocolate,

which I like a lot now too.

She wanted us to pay for the whole

wedding, which is really cool and mature.

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