Assassination of a High School President Page #2

- My ass itches.

Who is this guy? What's his name?

Bobby Funke.

- Frankie.

- Funke.

Looks like a little gentleman.

- He does. Look at him.

- Looks like a stockbroker.

Funke.

Don't look at me.

What happened to your face, man?

Look at it. lt's like you have

a culo on your face.

Got a culo

Did you ever get a man on your back?

Breathing hard. Riding you, like a horse.

No?

l assume you all know why you're here.

Let me guess.

You finally want to start that boy-band

you've been dreaming about.

Landis, do l come down to the strip club

where you work

and knock the dick out of your mouth?

Against the wall. You're late.

Actually, l'm not entirely certain

why l'm here, sir.

Really? lt's fascinating.

This is why you're here! This!

That's sick.

You've got a gum problem

that's rapidly turning into

an attitude problem.

That's why you're here!

l don't like gum.

l don't like your snooping around.

You are all filth.

Your parents have obviously spoiled you

or, in your case, possibly abused you,

a little too much.

Now, one of you little vermin

broke into this office

and stole the SATs last night.

Of this l am certain.

l beg you, l beseech you,

do not come forward.

Because l will have the pleasure

of tracking you down,

much the same way that l tracked down

that camel-humping ammunitions envoy

two klicks east of the Tigris,

the birthplace of civilization.

Mr. Cipriato?

Do you know what the Arabic word

"la hariq" means?

- No.

- lt means, "Don't shoot."

"Don't shoot!"

May want to remember that.

Dismissed!

Hey, Francesca.

Hey, Funke.

So, what are you doing in the men's room?

Well, l thought l might find a man in here.

Are you a man, Funke?

l'm just screwing with you.

l just need your help.

With what?

Whoever stole the SATs.

l need you to find them and get them back.

l aced that thing, l know it.

l was just in the zone.

Do you know what "mastication" means?

- No.

- Me, neither. But in that moment, l did.

lt was perfect. l need you to find those tests.

Why me?

l don't know,

l've got a feeling about you, Funke.

This stuff's right up your alley.

So do you have any idea

who might have taken the SATs?

We took the SATs?

l didn't. l didn't.

Did you take them?

No, l didn't take them.

Everyone was in the classrooms.

That's what all the commotion was about.

Okay, where were you last night?

That's where l was last night.

Hey, Funke. Funke, want a gumball?

lt's good. lt's soft. lt's sweet.

l'm not falling for the gumball trick, Cipriato,

so you can put your ballbag

back in your pants.

What's it like sucking on

another man's fingers?

What's it like stealing the SATs?

l asked you first.

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