All Out Dysfunktion! Page #2

I'm gonna call you

brown guy ranjit, then.

F*** you, pashu,

i mean, who labels everything?

By name, taste, spoilage dated,

perfectly matching containers?

Have you seen him open a door?

Guys, guys,

good morning, good morning,

- good morning.

- Good morning.

Hi! Can you please

do me a favor?

If you're going

to talk about me,

- just do it to my face.

- Fair enough.

And can you please,

please not touch my things?

Especially you, gator,

with your filthy hands.

Well, excuse me

and my filthy hands.

Calm down, Tyrell.

We're just playing around.

Yeah, man, just playing around,

it's not like

you're the only person

on the entire planet

who uses a handkerchief

to touch his weenie.

All right, let's just be honest.

Just because

my state of cleanliness

is on a higher level

of consciousness

than both you two neanderthals,

it's gonna protect me

from bacteria

eating me from the inside out.

Did you know

that warmth and moisture

are the key components

to bacterial growth?

Hmm? Have you ever heard of

salmonella?

E. Coli?

Listeria?

Bro, the bottom line

is that even a kitchen counter

has 50 times more bacteria on it

than a toilet seat.

Not mine.

My Booty's pretty clean.

- I sit down to pee.

- I know.

What?

You think that's weird?

Ask him how he poops.

How do you sh*t?

I use a squatty potty.

You know it really comes out

silky and smooth.

That's what you keep telling me.

But that's not the point.

If the earth opened up

and beelzebub hit you

with fire and brimstone,

you better believe

that I would be licking

a toilet seat

way before I would lick

a kitchen cutting board.

- That's f***ed up, dude.

- No, no, no, no.

And I'm not done.

Did you also know...

look at this...

that a kitchen sponge

is one of the most

bacterially infested items

in the entire household?

A single bacterial cell

can multiply into

over 80 million cells

in 24 hours.

That is some serious

"f***-you-up" sh*t,

so while you guys

are running around,

scratching your balls

and rubbing your asses

and touching the kitchen sponge,

I will keep my sanitizer

and I will be safe.

And while you two little germies

are crying bloody mercy,

pissing out of every single

little baby orifice

in your body,

dehydrated as a f***in' arab,

I will be okay.

So, do me a favor

and keep your hands off my sh*t!

What the hell

are you pencil pricks

- hemming and hawing about?

- This is very sad.

You brown-nosing,

circle-jerking teabaggers

make some coffee yet?

My Stein is dry.

We would, but Mr. snuff film

drank it all.

Oh, oh, oh, oh,

you touched my tupperware

and you're a snitch?

That's why your mama

has three teeth.

Huh? One in her mouth,

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes