Albatross Page #3

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How's your novel going?

Oh, well, you know.

Posy, would you like

a milkshake?

Yes.

I'd like to have-

Uh, ladies first.

I'll be back in a moment

to take your order.

Excuse me?

I am a vegetarian.

That isn't something

to boast about.

Mmm, thank you!

I need a spoon.

So what can I do for you?

Actually,

I was just thinking-

You know, if you get that

down on paper,

it's called writing.

You can have that lesson

on me.

Actually, I was thinking

I might be able...

to do something for you.

Seriously.

I could teach you

creative writing...

if you're struggling.

Just you and me

writing?

Yes.

Sounds fun.

I'll see you tomorrow.

Oh, Annie, you scared

the wits out of me.

Granny, it's Emelia.

Not Annie.

Mum's dead, remember?

Don't stay up too late now,

will you?

There's school tomorrow.

Granny, it's only 4:00,

and it's Sunday tomorrow.

And I'm working as well,

to tide me over for a bit.

Yes, yes.

Of course.

Basically, yeah,

I go like,

"So who's your sexual fantasy?"

Yeah?

And instead of saying like,

you know, Pamela Anderson

or something,

he goes, "A mermaid. "

I was like, "A mermaid?

That is half fish you want

to shag, you sick f***. "

He goes, "Yeah

Pretty much is

with most girls, innit?"

I think my granny's dying.

All right.

When my granny died, yeah,

my brother,

little Tommy, yeah,

starts singing,

"Burn, baby, burn,"

as she's going

in the oven.

F***ing priceless,

calling my nan "baby"

Babe?

Babe?

Well, I... I haven't actually

acted professionally...

for a few years now,

no.

Um, I was in a really

popular coffee commercial.

Um, I used to be

Joa Saunders.

I'm the one who married...

the novelist

Jonathan A. Fischer.

So, um, I was just calling

because I'm looking...

for new representation.

Right.

Yeah.

Yes, all right, I will.

I'll, um-I'll call back

when I'm in something.

Thanks.

Morning, Mrs. Fischer.

How's it hanging?

You're late.

And I want to have a word

with you.

What are you doing with things

that are left in the rooms?

Oh, well, uh...

The bed, I'm making.

The carpet, I've...

I've been walking on that.

And the curtains,

recently I've taken

to swinging on them.

Is that okay?

I mean the things that people

leave behind accidentally.

Are you stealing them?

No.

I haven't found anything

that's been left behind.

What's been left behind?

Well, the man who vacated

room three on Tuesday...

couldn't find his teeth.

Are you actually accusing me

of stealing

a set of old man's

false teeth?

What did you think I was going

to do with them?

These not look like mine?

I know that you live

with your grandparents.

Yes, and they both

have their own teeth.

If things get left behind,

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