A Futile and Stupid Gesture Page #2

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- If the book is How to Ruin a Castle.

- No, it's not.

We had a fine run here, you and I.

You got in.

Columbia? Georgetown?

Both. All of them.

I guess law school's

not that hard to get into.

Yeah. I'm almost done

with my applications, too.

Just need to find a pen, paper.

So I guess the comedy train

is rolling to a halt.

I'm gonna miss this place.

- Hmm.

- Yeah.

I said I just need to find a pen, Mom.

Doug, this is serious.

You didn't apply anywhere?

For the love of Christ.

- I've been busy. I did write a book.

- Most of a book.

Well, Henry helped... with the spelling.

Uh, did you like it?

- She didn't read it.

- The book? Yes, it's very nice.

Um...

Interesting cover.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

- Loves the cover.

- How is Henry?

- He's going to law school, that's how.

- Henry's okay.

We were supposed to hang out today,

but he got arrested. Arson again.

It's the gentleman's crime.

- What?

- I have to bail him out.

- Doug, is that a joke?

- Doug, is that a joke?

Here, give me this. Give me this.

- Doug.

- Hey, Dad.

- What'd you think of the book?

- He didn't read it.

It's very nice. Listen.

You got a month till graduation,

and we're still waiting to hear.

Do you have any kind of plan?

I mean, we spent a lot of money

to get what? An English degree?

Harvard education

and you throw it all away.

What's your plan, Doug?

We can't take care of you anymore.

There's a war going on. You want

to wait to get picked in the draft?

Or do you want to graduate Harvard

and then move back home,

teach tennis with me at the club?

If I teach, do I have to wear shorts?

'Cause that's a deal-breaker.

What do you want?

You want to write your little joke books

your whole life?

- Hello, Doug?

- I'll just keep doing The Lampoon.

- What?

- What?

If you think I'm gonna pay

for another year of college...

No, no, no.

I'm gonna start a real magazine.

A national one, with Henry.

- I'm not doing that.

- I don't have all the details,

but Henry does have a few questions

about his backhand.

Come on. He needs help with the topspin.

- Yes, Mr. Kenney, hello.

- Yeah, hi, Henry.

- Well, I usually play on clay, you see.

- Yeah, on a hard court, you...

Strike one.

You want me to put off law school

for some half-assed scheme?

Oh, this scheme is full-assed.

Why settle for real jobs?

You know, just wind up

behind a desk somewhere?

You know, a magazine needs desks.

The world doesn't need more lawyers

or insurance executives or doctors.

I mean, yeah, okay, it needs doctors.

Thousands. But it also needs us.

Strike two.

Seriously? You a**holes are gonna have

kids play for you the whole game?

A magazine's a tough business, Doug.

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