A Boyfriend for My Wife

-Hello.

-Hi.

-Have you rung?

-No.

No. Well, yes, l rang,

but they told me to wait till

you arrived.

-Ah, OK. Well, l'm here now.

-Right.

Well, tell me, what brings you here?

-What?

-You yawned.

Hello?

Hi. No, no, no, no,

tell me,

l'm not doing anything much.

Yes.

A BOYFRlEND FOR MY WlFE

Good morning.

-Good morning.

-Hello, l just said hello, Tenso.

OK, l didn't hear you.

-What?

-Good God.

-Don't smoke.

-Leave off, will you?

-lt's still early.

-Yes, it's still early.

Great! l'm really off

to a shitty start today.

lsn't there one lighter in

this house that works properly?

l don't believe it.

Do you know one of the things

l hate most in this world?

l can't bear coincidence seekers.

They get on my nerves.

You know, people who are always

looking for bloody coincidences.

Just yesterday the girl from 2B

asked me what sign l was.

Just yesterday the girl from 2B

asked me what sign l was.

What sign am l? But don't you know me?

As if you cared.

Sagittarius, l said.

''Ah, when were you born?''

Hey, l don't believe it!

She says:
''A friend

was born on the 11th''. So?

l don't get it.

What the f*** do l care?

So you've got a friend who was born

two days later.

Excuse me.

Stupid b*tch. Brothers, sisters,

she says.

Yes, l said.

Brother or sister?

Sister. l have a sister. Why?

So you or your friend have a sister?

Some coincidence?

ls the earth about to move?

What's going to happen?

Younger or older than you, she asks.

l've got a twin sister.

What do you make of that?

Some f***in' coincidence!

Don't you

think it's a coincidence?

What's the plan? To have me locked up?

Careful.

-No, no, l was taking it off.

-Drive me mad,

until my brain rots whenever

l enter the building?

You knowthose people who talk

and talk and talk?

As if a coincidence could

bring us closer together,

so we can talk about things

together, or something.

But she'sjust a neighbour.

The woman from 2B.

l don't want to talk.

She just lives

in the same building.

The old cow's probably up there

listening to us right now.

l reckon you're winding yourself

up, Tana.

-What's that?

-Uh?

What you've got there, what is it?

l don't believe you're still spending

money on the agent.

l don't believe you're still spending

money on the agent.

What did you get him? Silk

handkerchiefs, some nice socks?

What sort of present can you

give an agent?

OK, no problem, sorry.

Sorry, sorry, sorry.

Some people live

from official shady dealings...

Some people live

from official shady dealings...

and nobody says a thing.

-l think he's horrendous. Sorry.

-But he's a friend of mine.

l know, so l said sorry.

-We're going to his party Saturday.

-So we're going...?

-Yes, what's up?

-Great!

To hear a first-time mum

talk about baby poo.

lt'll be great. Wonderful.

-Come on.

-Fine.

There's a new radio station

round here.

-A load of arseholes.

-Why not go and see?

-No, no.

-Perhaps they need people?

-l've no time, Tenso.

-But...

-Piss off.

-Tana?

-Hello.

-Listen...

That shitty TV l'm trying

to watch, it doesn't...

That shitty TV l'm trying

to watch, it doesn't...

-Tana...

-l can'tswitch channels, nothing...

l'm seeing the same thing

allafternoon...

-Okay, okay.

Shitty thing...

By the way,

l've been thinking...

l mean it, really.

Firstofall...

l mean it, really.

Firstofall...

-because l've notgota thing to wear.

-Tana...

But even ifl had l don't want

to go.

l've got nothing in common with them.

lfl don't talkl'm left looking

like a prat.

So when do you plan

to call your daughter?

l rang 3 times today

and she couldn't speak.

First she was with the masseuse,

then she was in the shower.

And the next time she'd gone out.

What do you say to that?

l reckon that

since her husband was made manager...

he thinks we are not good enough.

He won't lether talk.

He doesn't let her.

That's not how we brought her up.

Not to worryabout us?

Come on!

What l'd like to know is

how much he's on now he's a manager.

They're spending too much.

No saving going on there.

She was going on and on.

So l go into the bathroom,

and she puts her hand here,

and l felt so mad...

and she puts her hand here,

and l felt so mad...

l just flipped and said

l'd like to kill you!

-Sorry...

-What are you doing?

-No, no, l'm sorry...

-You almost killed him.

-Go and see a shrink, kid.

-l don't like shrinks.

-And why don't you...?

-No, no... l want to...

-but it scares me.

-You feel guilty?

-No, not guilty. Scared.

-Go on.

-Carry on, arsehole!

-Get off my back!

-l swear it, l can't.

-Look. Do it with your back to her.

-l swear it, l can't.

-Look. Do it with your back to her.

You need to split up.

Just look at yourself.

l don't want to.

l'm in a bad way.

Three words, Tenso.

Just three words.

l, 1 . Want, 2. Out, 3.

lf you can't say it, it's because

you're a coward,

But tell her, otherwise

you'll be in a really bad way.

But tell her, otherwise

you'll be in a really bad way.

-Try it on me. Come on.

-Uh?

-Try it on me.

-What?

-Three little words, come on.

-No, sod off.

-Come on.

-Just do it.

-What?

-Come here.

l want out.

That's it, great, great!

Tenso, be strong.

Marriage is like a job.

Tenso, be strong.

Marriage is like a job.

That l want to resign from.

You need a change of routine.

To stop doing... what you always do.

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