A Bigger Splash Page #2

are they a problem here?

Harry, stop this f***ing sh*t,

all right? She can't talk.

- I'm not going to repeat it!

- (HARRY) Of course she can talk.

When Bjork had her operation,

after two weeks she was...

I don't give a f*** what Bjork said,

all right? Or Adele.

No. Nothing's a problem here.

Nothing a few Nurofen

can't take care of.

(IMITATES BRIDGE KEEPER IN

THE HOLY GRAIL) What is your name?

What is your favourite colour?

Seriously, you want me

to deck you? F***ing...

(MUTTERS)

What is your quest?

(CHUCKLES)

To not end up like Julie Andrews.

Get it?

Excuse me, four daiquiris.

No, three...

- Not for me.

- Oh, f***, sh*t, yeah, sorry.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER

AND GIGGLING)

(HARRY)

What, what, what did she say?

- (PAUL) She says her feet hurt.

- (HARRY) No!

That's what she said.

She's getting a blister.

If you've got something to say,

say it to me.

She's asking you to stay.

Oh, Christ, that took forever.

- Is there a pool?

- Mm-hm.

(ITALIAN POP MUSIC

PLAYS ON RADIO)

Ah. Yeah, this place isn't bad, eh?

Where are they?

(PAUL) They're shooting

a commercial in Thailand.

(HARRY) Uh-huh.

Well, where am I?

No, it's down at the property.

It's a little dammuso.

It used to be a stable for the donkeys.

Oh, far away.

Safe distance, eh? (CHUCKLES)

Mm-hm!

(CHUCKLES)

You can't talk or won't?

(MOUTHS)

Cancer?

Oh, right.

Your career.

Cool.

I'm 22, you know.

(MARIANNE SOFTLY) Cool.

(SINGS IN ITALIAN)

F***!

Woo! (CHUCKLES) Woo!

(WHOOPS)

Look! Woo!

Fantastic!

Aha, okay. What have we got here?

How are the pots and pans?

Uh-huh.

What have we got in the frigo?

Oh! Scandalo. Orribile.

(CHUCKLES) Terrible.

How are you guys living?

What we have here?

Your mum... huh?

(CHUCKLES)

(CHUCKLES) It's cute.

You off to bed?

Thank you. Mm.

For having me to stay.

All right. Here you go darling.

Your pill.

Good night.

(GARGLES)

(HARRY) Good night.

(SIGHS) She's got tour dates

this winter, doesn't she?

What's she planning to do?

Well, she's kicked everything into the long

grass and it was the right thing to do.

Jesus, man. It's hard to watch.

Is she like this when you f***?

- (CHUCKLES)

- I mean, how does it work?

Does she write you a note

when she cums?

- Come here.

- (BOTH CHUCKLE)

(CRICKETS CHIRP

AND DISTANT DOG BARK)

You wish we were at a hotel.

- I didn't say that.

- You forget, I know how you speak.

- Oh yeah, that's right.

- Yeah.

Mm?

I've been teaching myself

some Italian finally.

Oh! 101 useful phrases?

Well, no, I'm not reading Boccaccio

if that's what you mean.

Vaffanculo. Go f*** yourself.

Go take it up the arse, in fact.

Cacasentenze. Someone who pretends

to be very smart,

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