The Adventures of Ford Fairlane Page #3

Milli Vanilli paid us off

in bicycle shorts and hair extensions.

Very scary.

Rock stars. I'm goin' out

of my mind dealin' with rock stars.

I don't make money, I make gifts.

How am I supposed to pay taxes

with bathtub compact disc players...

..and autographed drumsticks, you know?

I need cash, moolah, wampum. Dead

presidents, Michael Jackson, Gerald Ford.

I think it's coming together. You need money.

Come on, Jazz. I got my balls in a bunch.

Your karate class costs money. Cavities

cost money. Propa-pylactics cost money.

Know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna take

that food processor Neil Diamond gave me...

..and make koala burgers,

with koala chips and koala dip.

- That's what I think.

- You're breaking my heart, Ford.

Look. I thinkthat we've got a case.

If we can make it through

this cavalcade of bimbos.

Hi, Ford. It's Monica. Remember me?

I'm walking again. Call me.

- That's Bimbo No.1.

- Hey, cut the play-by-play, all right?

Hi. Is this Chevy Nova?

Is this the car I want to speak to?

Johnny Crunch here, KDRT.

You know- K-DIRT, you schmuck?

You know, I'm the guy who had sex with your

prom date the very night before the prom.

And then I became the hottest DJ in the west.

Well, I got a case for you.

I don't wantyou to come here and say...

.."Is it a leather case or a vinyl case?"

No. It's a case to solve. Come down

to the station about six. Make it six.

Johnny Teitelbaum, calling himself

Johnny Crunch. Knock me out, huh?

You know, we grew up together in Brooklyn.

Came out here to become rock stars.

He's lying about the prom-date thing,

of course. I hope he is. I took his sister.

You're friends with the most

obnoxious a**hole on the airwaves?

The king of the shock jocks?

- I'm shocked.

- Don't worry about it.

He wants to see me at six. What time is it?

- Take this. I think you might need it.

- (phone rings)

- Hit pay dirt with K-DIRT.

- (modem tone)

That's for me. Radio contests?

Really, Ford. Howtacky.

So, what are you gonna do about this watch?

Keep it. It's your paycheckthis month.

That's nice. What about last month?

Come here. Come here.

Come here.

I wanna tell you something. Come here.

Huh? Huh?

Unbelievable.

When Johnny and I broke up our band,

we drifted apart.

He started hanging out with all those rock

star hairhead types, like the late Bobby Black.

And when they needed money to get high,

they did RockAgainst Drugs commercials.

You see what I'm sayin'?

That's what I'm sayin'. What am I sayin'?

I don't know.

Hey, Pixie. I'm here to see Johnny Crunch.

Lucky you. Arnie.

Mr Crunch has a lot of fans

who hate his guts.

Oh, Arnie. Sometimes when we touch

the honesty's too much.

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