The Adventures of Ford Fairlane

Synopsis: Ford "Mr. Rock n' Roll Detective" Fairlane is experiencing problems, and it's not with the opposite sex. One of them is that all the rock stars pay him with drum sticks, koala bears, food processors and bicycle shorts. Another one of them is that all his employers that want him to find a girl named Zuzu Petals get killed. Why didn't he become a fisherman's detective instead? A must-see for Andrew Dice Clay fans.
Director(s): Renny Harlin
Production: Twentieth Century Fox
  5 wins & 3 nominations.
Rotten Tomatoes:
104 min

They call me Ford Fairlane,

rock 'n'roll detective.

I have the power

to get into the hottest clubs,...

..the hottest dressing rooms

and the hottest chicks.

I admit it all sounds pretty nifty in theory.

Then why am I here?

Why do I wish the music industry and the rest

of the globe would just suck my dick, Tracy?

I'll tell you why. It all startedfive nights ago.

I didn't know it yet, but I was about

to get a case of the Black Plague.

Not the disease that killed

a billion peasants in the 1300s.

Something much scarier.

("Rock 'n'Roll Junkie")

Hello, LA!

You see, this band, The Black Plague,

were considered the new kings of metal.

I thought they were just

some lucky assholes from Reseda.

Anyway, tonight, this guy Bobby Black was

going to give the performance of his life.

I love you, Bobby!

I guess the poor superstar son of a bitch

wasn't that lucky after all, hey?

In the meantime, I was miles away,...

..checking out a tip on the case

of the fanatic red-headedfan.

And making my entrance was unbelievable.

- (all gasp)

- Whoa! Was my fly undone?

I'm so terrifical I even had my own

toll-free number. 1-800-UNBELIEVABLE.

Ford. I gotta ask you to put that out, dude.

Nobody smokes any more.

Thanks, man.

- You son of a bitch.

- Another satisfied customer.

Call me.

What goes for my sister goes double for me.

Don'tyou remember? The Jacuzzi, Laurel

Canyon - Guns N' Roses video wrap party?

Oh, yeah. The twins.

Butyou're not... identical, huh?

Hey, look. Write down my number.

- 555-6321. Got it?

- Yeah. Yeah, thanks.

Wait a minute. 555's not a real number.

They only use that in the movies.

No shit, honey.

What do you thinkthis is? Real life?

- Hey, it's Ford Fairlane.

- Easy money.

(both) Mr Rock 'n' Roll Detective.

Couldn't find a handle on a coffee cup.

And what are your names?

Neil and Bob? Or is that, like, whatyou do?

- You guys driving tonight?

- Yeah.

Why don'tyou take Mulholland?

You'll love the curves. Now move.

Thank Godfor Don Cleveland.

He was the best producer in the biz,...

..the only guy in the industry

I could talk to withoutvomiting Day-Glo.

Ah. I hate that "Mr Rock 'n' Roll

Detective" bullshit, you know?

I'm a professional crime-fighter.

- I work for a living, you knowthat.

- (Don) What are you looking at?

Some redhead's bothering

that girl group, The Pussycats.

Been showing up at their concerts, saying he

wants to rape and kill 'em. Not in that order.

Hey, you're that guy. The private eye.

You're a poet and didn't know it. Oh!

- You heard that Bobby Black OD'd, right?

- Yeah. So?

So, do you suspect foul play and stuff?

I'll letyou know when somebody

pays me to give a shit and stuff.

My name is Melodi.

As in "A pretty girl is like a..."

Here's my phone number.

Whatever you're doing tomorrow...

Cancel. OK?

You got to shave before you

leave the house in a dress like that.

And I don't mean your legs.

Boy, whatyou gonna do?

Hey. You'd better have

that sambuca milkshake ready.

Here comes Mr Rock 'n' Roll Detective.

- Hey, Ford.

- What's goin' on?

Harry. Shake me.

I hope you like it, Ford.

Precocious. Combustionable.

Harry... not thick enough.

Butyou're getting better.

- So how's Mutt and Mutt, huh?

- Hoo! Hoo!

- Who's your friend?

- Sh.

I'm just some guy named Sam, asswipe.

Sam. How cute.

Reminds me of that story,

Green Eggs and Ham.

"Will you eat them in a box?

Will you eat them with a fox?"

Know The Pussycats? Big Doctor Seuss fans.

- (nervous laugh)

- Especially the singer. What's her name?

- I'm drawin' a fuckin' blank.

- (stammers) Josie.

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Daniel Waters

Daniel "Dan" Waters is an American screenwriter and film director. He is the older brother of director Mark Waters. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018


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"The Adventures of Ford Fairlane" STANDS4 LLC, 2020. Web. 26 Jan. 2020. <>.

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