Not for Human Consumption

JAY:

No, don't point at me.

UNKNOWN:

Look at this guy

Jay Trotta, ladies and

gentlemen

Yeah!

Hey, you got a chaser?

(coughing)

JAY:

Hey dude, does that smell

familiar to you by any chance?

JAY:

Doesn't that smell a little

bit like your mom?

laughing

MARTY:

Hey, Scooter's got those

purple gel tabs.

JAY:

Yeah?

UNKNOWN:

Purple nurple!

JAY:

Yo man, give us some

Scarface.

JAY:

Gimme a Scarface Cuban

JAY:

Yeah, right there.

coughing

JAY:

Those cock-a-roaches!

MARTY:

You gotta do something

with your time Jimmy!

MARTY:

Work with blind kids,

lepurs

JAY:

Hey man, take that sh*t.

UNKNOWN:

Y'all right with this sh*t?

JAY:

Yo give me the blunt. (coughing)

MARTY:

Here take this.

Ohhh it hurts so good!

UNKOWN:

That's what your mom said.

MARTY:

That is what my mom said.

My mom's got all day to answer

your questions

MARTY:

Jay Trotta ladies and

gentlemen...

rooftop status!

JAY:

Rooftop status.

MARTY:

Yeeaah! And the Jim-inator!

JAY:

You gonna do it Marty?

You gonna do it or be a b*tch?

I'm getting you in that pool man

MARTY:

I ain't getting in that f***ing

thing! Get away from me!

Why you always trying to touch

me?

JAY:

Who's going first? It's f***ing

five feet!

MARTY:

Touch Jimmy!

JIMMY:

I'm not going first!

I'm not going!

Marty:

Come on, you do that sh*t

to me all the time!

JAY:

Yo hold up, let me just put this

down real quick.

laughing

MARTY:

Dude, you're such a dick!

JAY:

Dude, I'll f***ing do it. I

don't give a sh*t! Move!

shouting

UNKNOWN:

Oh my God!

MARTY:

Oh my God!

MARTY:

Oh sh*t yea!

laughing

JAY:

Jump motherf***er, jump!

MARTY:

Do it again!

JAY:

You f***ing do it, go!

MARTY:

No!

JAY:

Come on bro, jump. Do it!

MARTY:

There's no f***ing way man.

MARTY:

Spark the Rastafari!

JAY:

It's not even lit.

MARTY:

You can do it!

MARTY:

Yo, so when we get back to the

house everybody get naked.

GIRL IN BACKSEAT:

Dude, you think you can handle

it?

MARTY:

There's not anything we can't

handle.

JAY:

...except for more of that

shitty-ass weed!

laughing

laughing

laughing

laughing

POLITICIAN (ON TV):

I've been privileged to serve

people of this great state

we call Florida. She is the

state with the prettiest name

and I love her.

And it is with a servant's heart

that I take this oath today

to protect and defend her

and help her people achieve

their great potential

and their boundless dreams.

President Ronald Reagan

described America

as a shining city on a hill. If

that is true...

JAY:

From one bullshit

politician to the next,

man you're all the f***ing same

MARTY:

I can't believe you

woke me up to buy weed.

JAY:

Dude, think about it.

If I had gone out on my

own and had this crazy adventure

all by myself, you'd be pissed!

You hate missing

out on sh*t, you know you do.

MARTY:

Oh yeah, I wouldn't

miss this for the world.

JAY:

You know that fake hundo

you got in your dresser?

MARTY:

Yeah, it's my

fake hundo in my dresser.

Oh sh*t.

No...

JAY:

Oh sh*t, yes.

MARTY:

Dude, this so not right.

JAY:

No, what's not right is that

dirt weed that motherf***er

sold us last time. This is just

karma man.

MARTY:

I don't think that's

the definition of karma.

JAY:

All right, slow down

here for a second.

MARTY:

Dude what the f***?

You brought my gun?

JAY:

Just in case. You never know.

It never hurts to be safe.

All right, that's it. That's it

right there. Pull over.

That's him.

DRUG DEALER:

How much you need white boy?

JAY:

None of that dirt weed. I want

the good green.

also you throw in a couple of

lays.

All right, let's roll.

JAY:

Wait, what are you doing?

Don't stop here!

MARTY:

First you take my gun,

and then you buy crack?

JAY:

Would you show some f***ing

appreciation? We're broke,

and now thanks to my creativity,

we got party favors.

Are you f***ing insane? Get the

f*** out of here!

MARTY:

Don't try and spin this

around on me!

This was all for you. You know

I don't smoke that sh*t!

This whole f***ing

night is WHACK!

MARTY:

Jesus!

MARTY:

What did you just do man?

What the f*** did you just do?

JAY:

He just pulled you out of the

f***ing car! Get in! Let's go!

Go! Go! Go! Go!

JAY:

At least now I'll get the ankle

bracelet off, right pop?

The lawyer said they'll be

moving me from county to a

permanent camp soon.

I'm not gonna be be able to use

the phone for six weeks until

the numbers are cleared, but

I'll write.

Pop, I know you're not proud of

me.

I know you're probably the

furthest thing from proud of me.

Pop?

JAY'S FATHER:

I have maybe two or

three memories of my father

none of them

really worth remembering.

One of them I was about five

years old, maybe six

He decided to take me

along with him on a job.

He had this old

red Ford truck,

thing was like a tank.

It had those long

bench seats in it.

We were going down some kind

of dirt road and all I can

remember is bouncing

all over the cab.

Just bouncing. I was laughing,

you know, giggling.

JAY:

Uh-huh.

JAY'S FATHER:

I kept looking over at him

hoping he would smile at me,

maybe a laugh.

Nothing.

I would've sold my

soul to the devil

Just to have my

father smile at me.

just once.

He died shortly after and the

only other memories I have

of my father is him grunting or

cursing at me in Italian.

And I told myself I would

never be that kind of father,

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