Monty Python Live at the Hollywood Bowl Page #4

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Bruce I:
Good evening, ladies and bruces!

Bruce II:
Hello, Bruce.

Bruce I:
Hello, Bruce.

Bruce III:
Hello, Bruce.

Bruce I:
Hey, Bruce.

Bruce II:
What's all this lot, Bruce?

Bruce I:
It's very nice to be here at the Hollywood Bowl this evening! We're all philosophy professors from the University of

Woolamaloa, Australia!

All Bruces:
Hey, Australia, Australia, Australia! God love ya!

Bruce I:
I teach Hegelian philosophy, Bruce here teaches Aristotolean philosophy, and Bruce here is in charge of the sheep

dip.

Bruce II:
[Cough] Bloody difficult work, I tell ya!

Bruce I:
I'll tell you what is thirsty work watching this garn of human. Bruce, why don't you just stick out a few of these little

free examples from your ----.

Bruce I:
All right! Now, the reason we do this, ladies and bruces, is frankly over here we find your American beer is a little

like making love in a canoe!

Bruce III:
Making love in a canoe?

Bruce I:
It's f***ing close to water! Well now, we're going to try and raise the tone a little here by singing a nice intellectual

song for for those two or three of you in the audience...

Bruce II:
Right!

Bruce I:
...who understand these things. So, here we go!

All Bruces :

Immanuel Kant was a real pissant

Who was very rarely stable

Heidegger, Heidegger was a boozy beggar

Who could think you under the table

David Hume could out-consume

Schopenhauer and Hegel

And Wittgenstein was a beery swine

Who was just as sloshed as Schlegel

There's nothing Nietszche couldn't teach ya

'Bout the raising of the wrist

Socrates himself was permanently pissed

Bruce II:
How do you like that? All right!

Bruce I:
Let's hold it a second. I can see some of these bruces are in a bit of a playful mood tonight. Ain't that, Bruce?

Bruce II:
Yeah, Bruce.

Bruce I:
Some of the ones that don't have straws up their nose. Anyway, why don't we do something rather... Why don't we

get some of these guys to sing along with us? ----.

Bruce II:
Ok, I've got the words somewhere.

Bruce I:
Right! Ready!

Bruce II:
Right! Ready!

All Bruces & Audience :

Immanuel Kant was a real pissant

Who was very rarely stable

Bruce II:
Heidegger, Heidegger was a boozy...

Bruce I:
They're a typical Hollywood audience! All the kids are on drugs, and all the adults are on roller skates! Have we got

any...have we got anything bigger to put the words up for these rather shortsighted people?

Bruce II:
This is Bruce from the Biology Department.

Bruce I:
All right. Okay, here we go.

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