Life Of Brian Page #2

Well, what Jesus fails to appreciate

is it's the meek who are the problem.

Yes, yes. Absolutely, Reg.

Yes, I see.

Oh, come on, Brian. They're gonna

stone him before we get there.

All right.

- That's disgusting.

It's the chap with a big nose's fault.

He started it all.

Oh, I hate wearing these beards.

Why aren't women allowed

to go to stonings, Mum?

It's written, that's why.

Beard, madame?

Oh, look, I haven't got time

to go to no stonings.

He's not well again.

- Stone, sir?

No, they got them up there,

lying around on the ground.

Oh, not like these, sir.

Look at this.

Feel the quality of that.

That's craftsmanship, sir.

Well, all right. We'll have two

with points and a big, flat one.

- Can I have a flat one, Mum?

- Shhh!

- Sorry. Dad.

- All right.

Two points, two flats

and a packet of gravel.

Packet of gravel. Should be

a good one this afternoon.

- Who?

- Local boy.

- Oh, good.

- Enjoy yourselves.

Matthias, son

of Deuteronomy of Gath?

- Do I say yes? Yes.

- Yes.

You have been found guilty

by the elders of the town...

of uttering

the name of our Lord.

- And so as a blasphemer...

you are to be stoned to death.

- Look, I'd had a lovely supper,

and all I said to my wife was,

"That piece of halibut

was good enough for Jehovah."

- Blasphemy! He said it again!

- Did you hear him?

Really!

Are there any women

here today?

Very well. By virtue

of the authority vested in me

Ow! Lay off!

We haven't started yet!

Come on!

Who threw that?

Who threw that stone?

Come on.

She did! She did!

He did! He did!

Sorry. I thought

we'd started.

- Go to the back.

Always one, isn't there?

Now, where were we?

Look, I don't think it ought to be

blasphemy, just saying "Jehovah."

- You're only making it

worse for yourself.

Making it worse?

How could it be worse?

- Jehovah! Jehovah! Jehovah!

I'm warning you, if you say

"Jehovah" once more

Right.

Who threw that?

Come on.

Who threw that?

Him, him, him.

- Was it you?

- Yes.

- Right

- Well, you did say "Jehovah."

Stop! Will you stop that?

Stop it! Now, look!

No one is to stone anyone...

until I blow this whistle.

Do you understand? Even and I want

to make this absolutely clear

Even if they do say "Jehovah."

Good shot! Bravo!

- Have I got a big nose, Mum?

- Oh, stop thinking about sex.

- I wasn't!

- You're always on about it,

morning, noon and night.

"Will the girls like this?

Will the girls like that?

Is it too big?

ls it too small?"

Here you are, mate.

- Bless you, sir.

- Alms for the poor.

- Alms for a leper.

- Alms for an exleper.

Bloody donkey owners.

All the same, ain't they?

Never have any change.

Oh, here's a touch.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes