Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back Page #5

On the computer monitor, we see the site mainpage load up. Holden begins navigating

the site.

HOLDEN:

Here. This is about the Bluntman movie.

(reading)

"Inside sources tell me Miramax is starting production this Friday on their adaption of

underground comic fave Bluntman and Chronic."

JAY:

Friday?! Sh*t. Does it say who's playing us in the movie?

HOLDEN:

No, but if it's Miramax, I'm sure it'll be Ben Affleck and Matt Damon. They put'em in a

bunch of movies.

JAY:

Who?

HOLDEN:

You know--the guys from Good Will Hunting.

JAY:

You mean the f***ing movie with Mork from Ork in it?

HOLDEN:

Yeah, I'm not too big a fan either. Though Affleck was the bomb in Phantoms.

JAY:

Word, b*tch. Phantoms like a motherf***er.

Holden and Jay slap hands. Holden points at the monitor again.

HOLDEN:

Now down here is where you can gauge the buzz. This is the Shoot Back area. It's where

people who read the news get to chime in with their two cents. Here's what a guy who

goes by the chick-magnet Net handle of "Wampa-One" thinks about Bluntman and

Chronic.

(reading)

"Bluntman and Chronic and their stupid alter egos Jay and Silent Bob only work in small

doses, if at all. They don't deserve their own movie."

(to Jay)

He's got a point.

JAY:

F*** him. What's the next one say?

HOLDEN:

(reading)

"Bluntman and Chronic is the worst comic I ever read. Jay and Silent Bob are stupid

characters. A couple of stoners who spout dumb-ass catchphrases like a third-rate Cheech

and Chong or Bill and Ted. F*** Jay and Silent Bob. F*** them up their stupid asses."

JAY:

Who the f*** said that sh*t?!

HOLDEN:

A guy who calls himself "Magnolia-Fan." Check out what the guy after him said: "Jay

and Silent Bob are terrible, one-note jokes that only stoners laugh at. They're f***ing

clown shoes. If they were real, I'd beat the sh*t out of them for being so stupid. I can't

believe Miramax would have anything to so with this sh*t. I, for one, will be boycotting

this movie. Who's with me?"

(leans back)

And then there are about fifty more posts from people who agree to join Spartacus-here's

boycott of the flick.

JAY:

(grimly)

I'm gonna kill all these fucks--

HOLDEN:

Ah, let it go. Number one, they're a bunch of jealous little d*cks who use the anonymity

of the Net to insult people who're doing what they wish they were doing, and number

two, they're not really talking about you guys--they talking about Bluntman and

Chronic.

JAY:

But they said Jay and Silent Bob! They used our real names. It doesn't matter that there's

a comic book version of us and a real version, 'cause nobody knows we're real in real

life.

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