Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back script
Synopsis: Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back is a 2001 American comedy film directed, written by, and starring Kevin Smith as Silent Bob, the fifth to be set in his View Askewniverse, a growing collection of characters and settings that developed out of his cult favorite Clerks. It focuses on the two eponymous characters, played respectively by Jason Mewes and Smith. The film features a large number of cameo appearances by famous actors and directors. The title and logo for Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back are direct references to The Empire Strikes Back.

OVER BLACK WE SEE:

CHYRON:

A long time ago, in front of a convenience store far, far away--

EXT. QUICK STOP YEARS AGO--DAY

We FADE IN on the block of stores (Quick Stop/RST), from sometime ago, In fact, RST

isn't RST; it's THE RECORD RACK -- a 45's store with head shop paraphernalia in the

window. A white-trash MOTHER (maybe seventeen) wearing a baseball cap comes into

frame carrying a chubby BABY. The Baby wears an oversized t-shirt under what looks

like a little bathrobe, and messily eats a CHOCOLATE BAR. There are food stamps in

the Mother's hands.

MOTHER:

Bobby-Boy stay here while mommy picks up the free cheese, 'kay?

She looks up at the bright sun, shielding her eyes slightly, then looks back at the baby on

the ground. She takes off her baseball cap and places it on the baby.

MOTHER:

This'll keep the sun out of your eyes. You be good now.

She walks away, leaving the baby sitting against the wall. With the backwards baseball

cap and the chocolate around his mouth forming something that resembles a beard, the

kid looks kind of familiar.

Then, another MOTHER (also very young) decked out in a KISS concert shirt from years

gone by and huge, feathered hair enters, with a black skullcap wearing BABY slung at

her hip. She sees the first Baby, sitting against the wall and sets her Baby down beside

him.

MOTHER:

Don't fucking move, you little shit-machine. Mommy's gonna try to score.

A PASSERBY enters, heading toward the convenience store. He takes note of the Babies

and the Mother heading into the record store, and then stops and addresses her, disgusted.

PASSERBY:

Excuse me--who's watching these babies?

MOTHER:

The fat one's watching the little one.

PASSERBY:

Oh, nice parenting.

(walking away)

Leave'em out here like that and see what happens.

The Passerby walks away. The Mother flips him the bird.

MOTHER:

FUCK YOU, YOU FUCKING SQUARE!

PASSERBY:

(waving her off)

Ah, keep on truckin'.

MOTHER:

(to baby)

D'jou hear the crazy fuck tellin' me how to fuckin' raise you? Motherfucker, man!

Who's he fucking think he is? What's the worse fuckin' thing could happen to you sitting

outside the fuckin' stores? Fuck!

The door closes, and the Babies sit there quietly for a beat. Then, they look at each other.

The larger one says nothing. The smaller one says--

BABY:

Fuck, fuck, fuck,,,

DISSOLVE TO:

THE PRESENT:

JAY and SILENT BOB stand where the Babies sat. The Record Rack is now RST

VIDEO. Jay is mid-chant.

JAY:

(as a chant)

--fuck, fuck, fuck, mother-mother fuck, mother-mother fuck-fuck! Mother fuck-,

mother-fuck, mother-fuck, noinch-noinch, noinch, smoking weed, smoking weed, doing

coke, drinking beers! Drinking beers, beers, beers, rolling fatties, smoking blunts! Who

smokes the blunts? We smoke the blunts!

A pair of TEENS approach them.

TEEN 1

Lemme get a nickel bag.

JAY:

Fifteen bucks, little man. Put the money in my hand. If the money does not show, then

you owe-me-owe-me-owe.

(changing up to Morris Day)

My Jungle Love! Yes, Oh-we-oh-we-oh! I think I want to know ya', know ya'--

TEEN 1

(digging in pockets)

What the hell are you singing?

JAY:

You don't know " Jungle Love"? That shit is the mad notes. Written by God Herself and

handed down to the world's greatest band--the motherfucking Time.

TEEN 2

The guys in that Prince movie?

TEEN 1

Purple Rain.

TEEN 2

Man, that shit was so gay--fucking eighties style.

Jay suddenly grabs the kid by the throat, throwing him against the wall.

JAY:

Bitch, don't you NEVER say an unkind word about The Time! Me and Silent Bob

modeled our whole fucking lives after Morris Day and Jerome! I'm a smooth pimp who

loves the pussy, and Tubby here's my black manservant!

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Kevin Smith

Kevin Patrick Smith (born August 2, 1970) is an American filmmaker, actor, comedian, public speaker, comic book writer, author, and podcaster. He came to prominence with the low-budget comedy Clerks (1994), which he wrote, directed, co-produced, and acted in as the character Silent Bob of stoner duo "Jay & Silent Bob". Jay and Silent Bob have appeared in Smith's follow-up films Mallrats, Chasing Amy, Dogma, and Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back which were mostly all set in his home state of New Jersey. While not strictly sequential, the films frequently featured crossover plot elements, character references, and a shared canon described by fans as the "View Askewniverse", named after his production company View Askew Productions, which he co-founded with Scott Mosier. more…

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"Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2017. Web. 24 Nov. 2017. <http://www.scripts.com/script/jay_and_silent_bob_strike_back_877>.

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