Heartbreak Ridge Page #2

Stitch Jones is the name.

Rocking and rapping is the game.

Pleased to meet you, too.

I banged up my Corvette,

but I figure, what the hell...

...gives me a chance to get out

and meet the regular people.

People like yourself. People like my fans.

I'm a singer. You heard of me.

Stitch Jones:
Earl of Funk, Duke of Cool,

Ayatollah of Rock-and-Roll-a.

Shut your face, hippie.

Did you say "hippie"?

Haven't been hippies

around here for centuries.

You been freeze-dried or doing hard time?

One of those would sure go down nice.

I'd buy one from you,

but I don't have my plastic.

Usually I get one of my lackeys

to do my business.

You can have one for free

if it will shut that hole under your nose.

Thank you, my man.

Jones.

This doesn't mean you can blow in my ear.

Tom Highway.

These aren't your magazines.

No. Somebody must've left them there.

The Sexual Politics of Living Alone.

The Big Commitment and You.

Island Erotics:

How To Stay Tan, Tickly and Tantalized

in the Cool Waters of Jamaica.

Not bad, man.

Sunday Sex With a Wednesday Lover.

That sounds like a song.

"I met her on a Wednesday

She was the best

"Come Sunday morning,

I needed rest

"Because she didn't shave,

She didn't use Neet

"She tried to use my face as a bicycle seat"

Word, am I fresh?

She's got some angry titties.

Hostile projectiles.

Put your sh*t in there, get frostbite.

She isn't so bad.

You want to talk tonight, I'll listen.

Don't try to sell me on making love or

making music because I'm an authority.

Born to screw and bred to sing. That's me.

I must cut a few Z's myself.

So keep down the chatter

while I get my beauty sleep.

Yes. Groupies are fun

but you need your vitamins...

...because those babes'll wear you out.

- Anything else, General?

- No. That's fine.

What are all those medals?

I'll never tell.

At least, not while the sun is shining.

This babe is whacked.

She doesn't know what's

twelve inches long and white.

Nothing.

No offense. Just working on my routine.

I'll tell you what's black and bleeding,

if it don't shut up.

Mellow, man. It's gonna be a nice day.

Tell the driver, I'll be right out.

Don't worry. I'll use my plastic.

It's my treat for your hospitality.

Thanks, I'll get the tip.

My buddy will take care of that.

He asked me to tell you that

there's no sunshine in the men's john.

I'm here, baby. Let's do some distance.

Son of a b*tch.

You're going to slurp my lifer's juice

out of my own cup?

Yes. I guess I should have

gotten shots beforehand.

If your brain was as quick as your mouth,

you'd be a twenty-star general by now.

If I was half as ugly as you,

Sergeant Major...

...I'd be a poster boy for a prophylactic.

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