Half Baked Page #2

Get some Haagen Dazs

ice cream bars. A whole lot.

Make sure chocolate.

Gotta have chocolate, man.

Some popcorn. Bread. Popcorn.

Graham crackers.

Graham crackers with the marshmallows,

the little marshmallows.

And little chocolate bars.

We'll make some smores, man.

Yeah, that's what

l was sayin', yo.

Also celery, grape jelly, Captain Crunch

with the little crunch berries.

Pizzas.

We need two big pizzas, man.

Everything on 'em.

With water, whole lot of water.

And... Funyuns.

Yeah.

- That's it ?

- Yeah.

- Anything else ?

- Oh, yeah.

Get me a box of condoms,

and, um, what's that stuff ?

We used to eat it all the time

back in the day.

- P*ssy. That's right.

- You got it.

- Thanks, man.

- Hey, hey !

lf l'm not back in ten minutes,

call the police.

lf he ain't back

in ten minutes,

we callin' Domino's.

- l'm hungry, man.

- All right, yo.

-

- Hey, girl.

- You hungry ?

- F*** you, n*gger !

-

- Hey, l'm sorry.

l was talkin' to the horse.

See the trouble

you're gettin' me into ?

You're hungry,

aren't ya ? Here.

You like popcorn.

lt makes your teeth go

pop, pop, pop.

This is Buster Phillips, and coming

in at number eight, like El Nino,

''Samson Gets Me Lifted,'' by my

main man-- Who ? Sir Smoka Lot.

Ha !

This guy is weed crazy.

Look at that.

- What do you want, Master ?

- B*tch, you know what l want.

l wanna talk to Samson

Fly me to the moon like

that b*tch Alice Kramden

'Cause it's hard bein'

black and gifted

Sometimes l wanna throw it

all down and get lifted

-

- That is so cool, man.

- He got the same dealer as us.

- What you mean ?

- Samson.

- Oh, right.

Everybody knows in my neighborhood

it's the bestest around

Samson's sh*t is blessed

Got the whole town on lockdown

That's where

l want to live. Right there.

Think about this sh*t

please

- l'm all out.

-

l'm all out of food.

You ate it all.

Gee, you must've been

so hungry.

-

- Uh-oh.

Buttercup ! Buttercup !

l need

an ambulance, now ! Officer down.

l repeat:

Officer down !

What the hell

did you give my Buttercup ?

l just gave him some candy

and some chips...

and some pink popcorn

and some Funyuns--

This horse is a diabetic !

Buttercup. Buttercup.

Don't you leave me.

Breathe, Buttercup.

- Breathe.

- Breathe. Breathe.

Why ?

- Why ?

- Why ?

- You're under arrest.

- What ?

- You dumb son of a b*tch !

- No !

l'm a-- l'm a peaceful man.

- l'm a schoolteacher !

- Shut up ! You're a cop killer.

Cop killer ?

l love horses.

- l love horses.

- l love horses.

- l love buttered stuff.

- Buttercup.

- Say it.

- Butter nuts.

- Cup. Cup.

- Cup. Cup.

Why must you rage ?

Stop the hate, child.

Bail is set at one million

Rate this script:4.0 / 1 vote