Being John Malkovich Page #5

CUT TO:

EXT. OFFICE BUILDING - DAY

We tilt up the building.

MUSIC:
Perky Industrial Film Music.

TITLE:
The 7 1/2 Floor

NARRATOR (0.S.)

Welcome to the 7 1/2 floor of the

Mertin-Flemmer building. As you

will now be spending your work day

here, it is important that you learn

a bit about the history of this

famous floor.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. 7 1/2 FLOOR - DAY

Don and Wendy, two office workers, crouch in the hall and

chat. Both hold cups of coffee.

WENDY:

Hello, Don.

DON:

Hello. Wendy.

WENDY:

Don, I was wondering, do you know

why our workplace has such low

ceilings?

DON:

It's an interesting story, Wendy.

Many years ago in the late 1800's,

James Mertin, an Irish ship captain

looking to invest in the future of

our great country, came to this town

and decided to erect an office

building.

CUT TO:

OLD FOOTAGE OF CONSTRUCTION CREW WORKING.

DON (CONT'D) (V.0.)

He would call this building the

Mertin-Flemmer Building, after

himself and someone else, who, local

legend has it, was named Flemmer.

CUT TO:

INT. 19TH CENTURY OFFICE - DAY

An actor playing Mertin sits at a desk and writes with

aquill. He appears very stern and has mutton chop

sideburns.

DON (CONT'D) (V.0.)

One day. Captain Mertin received an

unexpected visitor.

There is a knock at the door.

MERTIN:

Enter ye, if ye dare enter.

A tiny woman enters.

TINY WOMAN:

Captain Mertin?

MERTIN:

What want ye, girl child?

TINY WOMAN:

I am not a child, Captain Mertin,

but rather an adult lady of miniature

proportions.

MERTIN:

(taken aback)

I see. Well, it is not my fault that

thou art tiny. So if it is charity

yer after, then be gone with ye,

ye foul demon.

TINY WOMAN:

I am not asking for alms, but rather

the ear of a kind man with a noble

heart.

MERTIN:

(sighs)

Aye. Speak then if ye must.

TINY WOMAN:

Captain Mertin, surely I am a

God-fearing Christian woman like

yourself, but alas, I am afraid that

the world was not built with me in

mind. Door knobs are too high, chairs

are unwieldy, high-ceilinged rooms

mock my stature. Nor am I a marrie

lady, Captain. after all, who would

marry a person of my diminutiveness?

So I am forced to work for my few

pennies a week as an optometrist.

Why cannot there be a place for me

to work safe and comfortable?

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