Monty Python Live at the Hollywood Bowl script
Synopsis: Monty Python Live at the Hollywood Bowl is a 1982 British concert comedy film directed by Ian MacNaughton and starring the Monty Python comedy troupe as they perform many of their greatest sketches at the Hollywood Bowl.

Anti-rasist singer:

Never be rude to an Arab

An Israeli or Saudi or Jew

Never be rude to an Irishman

No matter what you do

Never pull fun at a nigger

A Spic or a Wop or a Kraut

And never poke fun at a...[Boom]

Renaissance Choir: [Gregorian Chant]

Servant:
A Michelangelo to see you, your Holiness.

Pope:
Who?

Servant:
Michelangelo, the famous renaissance artist whose best known works include the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel, and

the celebrated statue of David.

Pope:
Ah. Very well...

Servant:
In 1514 he returned to Florence and de...

Pope:
All right, that's enough, that's enough, they've got it now!

Servant:
Oh.

Michelangelo:
Good evening, your Holiness.

Pope:
Evening, Michelangelo. I want to have a word with you about this painting of yours, "The Last Supper."

Michelangelo:
Oh, yeah?

Pope:
I'm not happy about it.

Michelangelo:
Oh, dear. It took me hours.

Pope:
Not happy at all.

Michelangelo:
Is it the jello you don't like?

Pope:
No.

Michelangelo:
Ah, no, I know, they do have a bit of colour, don't they? Oh, I know, you don't like the kangaroo?

Pope:
What kangaroo?

Michelangelo:
No problem, I'll paint him out.

Pope:
I never saw a kangaroo!

Michelangelo:
Uuh...he's right in the back. I'll paint him out! No sweat, I'll make him into a disciple.

Pope:
Aah.

Michelangelo:
All right?

Pope:
That's the problem.

Michelangelo:
What is?

Pope:
The disciples.

Michelangelo:
Are they too Jewish? I made Judas the most Jewish.

Pope:
No, it's just that there are twenty-eight of them.

Michelangelo:
Oh, well, another one will never matter, I'll make the kangaroo into another one.

Pope:
No, that's not the point.

Michelangelo:
All right. Well, I'll lose the kangaroo. Be honest, I wasn't perfectly happy with it.

Pope:
That's not the point. There are twenty-eight disciples!

Michelangelo:
Too many?

Pope:
Well, of course it's too many!

Michelangelo:
Yeah, I know that, but I wanted to give the impression of a real last supper. You know, not just any old last

supper. Not like a last meal or a final snack. But you know, I wanted to give the impression of a real mother of a blow-out,

you know?

Pope:
There were only twelve disciples at the last supper.

Michelangelo:
Well, maybe some of the others came along afterw...

Pope:
There were only twelve altogether.

Michelangelo:
Well, maybe some of their friends came by, you know?

Pope:
Look! There were just twelve disciples and our Lord at the last supper. The Bible clearly says so.

Michelangelo:
No friends?

Pope:
No friends.

Michelangelo:
Waiters?

Pope:
No.

Michelangelo:
Cabaret?

Pope:
No!

Michelangelo:
You see, I like them, they help to flesh out the scene, I could lose a few, you know I could...

Pope:
Look! There were only twelve disciples at...

Michelangelo:
I've got it! I've got it! We'll call it "The Last But One Supper"!

Pope:
What?

Michelangelo:
Well there must have been one, if there was a last supper there must have been a one before that, so this, is the

"Penultimate Supper"! The Bible doesn't say how many people were there, does it?

Pope:
No, but...

Michelangelo:
Well there you are, then!

Pope:
Look! The last supper is a significant event in the life of our Lord, the penultimate supper was not! Even if they had a

conjurer and a mariachi band. Now, a last supper I commissioned from you, and a last supper I want! With twelve disciples

and one Christ!

Michelangelo:
One?!

Pope:
Yes one! Now will you please tell me what in God's name possessed you to paint this with three Christs in it?

Michelangelo:
It works, mate!

Pope:
Works?

Michelangelo:
Yeah! It looks great! The fat one balances the two skinny ones.

Pope:
There was only one Redeemer!

Michelangelo:
Ah, I know that, we all know that, what about a bit of artistic license?

Pope:
A one Messiah is what I want!

Michelangelo:
I'll tell you what you want, mate! You want a bloody photographer! That's you want. Not a bloody creative

artist to crease you up...

Pope:
I'll tell you what I want! I want a last supper with one Christ, twelve disciples, no kangaroos, no trampoline acts, by

Thursday lunch, or you don't get paid!

Michelangelo:
Bloody fascist!

Pope:
Look! I'm the bloody pope, I am! May not know much about art, but I know what I like!

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Graham Chapman

Graham Arthur Chapman (8 January 1941 – 4 October 1989) was an English comedian, writer, actor, author and one of the six members of the surreal comedy group Monty Python. He played authority figures such as the Colonel and the lead role in two Python films, Holy Grail and Life of Brian. more…

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"Monty Python Live at the Hollywood Bowl" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2017. Web. 24 Nov. 2017. <http://www.scripts.com/script/monty_python_live_at_the_hollywood_bowl_909>.

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