Zerophilia Page #5

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INSIDE THE CAR:

A glimpse of what might be an ORGY of BODIES intertwined.

The FEMALE DRIVER - GRINS MANIACALLY UP at Luke as the CAR

HORN SCREAMS by.

Luke CAREENS to one side, glancing at the truck's

15.

LEFT SIDE VIEW MIRROR

The car recedes in the distance, but the Female Driver

appears CLOSE in the mirror's reflection, LEERING. She LICKS

THE MIRROR from the inside, and disappears.

THROUGH THE TRUCK WINDSHIELD

Luke stares out, EYES GLAZED.

INT. KEENAN AND LUKE'S GARAGE

The decrepit old garage looks as if it may collapse any

second. Barbells on the floor. Luke dodges and weaves,

slugging a makeshift punching bag.

Keenan appears, wiping sleep from his eyes.

KEENAN:

We takin' up boxing?

LUKE:

I don't know. I am.

KEENAN:

What's goin' on? You competin' for

Mr. Universe this week?

LUKE:

Everyone should just mind their own

f***ing business!

Keenan recoils at the attitude.

KEENAN:

Didn't go so great, huh?

Luke punches the bag, harder and faster, a near SEIZURE: ROAD

RAGE.

He collapses in a heap.

KEENAN (CONT'D)

Dude.

LUKE:

It was goin' great. She's amazing.

Funny. And really smart. And the

way she eats ravioli, like 'aah.'

KEENAN:

Cool.

16.

LUKE:

Then I started feelin' all weird

again, and,... oh, man, you'll

think I'm nuts... Keen, I had

breasts. I felt 'em.

KEENAN:

Whoa, first date. Definitely the

'new Luke!'

LUKE:

No! On me.

KEENAN:

You're startin' to creep me out.

Listen, I think I know what's goin'

on, okay? "Acute Adolescent

Anxiety." It's from the stress of

college, girls, grades. It's

really common.

LUKE:

I'm not an adolescent. Where'd you

get this crap?!

KEENAN:

The Net. I found all the symptoms

right off:
panic attacks,

"Localized Alopecia" -that's hair

loss. This doctor wrote back, "Any

chance your friend, Luke, just lost

his virginity?"

LUKE:

You told, -you gave him my name?!

KEENAN:

He's a doctor, back East. He's

sending this information pack.

Look, I started thinkin' you're

goin' bipolar on me or somethin'.

Come on, man, BREASTS?!

Luke considers.

EXT. SUBURBAN HOUSE - MORNING

Luke hops down from the truck cab, fixes his shirt and hair,

trying to look nonchalant as he rings the doorbell.

Hearing something behind him, he turns as Max PUNCHES him in

the stomach, knocking the wind out of him.

17.

MAX:

You son-of-a-b*tch, stay the hell

away from my sister!

Luke GASPS for air.

MAX (CONT'D)

You don't say a word?! You just

leave her sittin' there?!

LUKE:

I came to apologize.

Max shoves him across the yard.

MAX:

Get out a' here! She's not home,

anyway.

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