The Invention of Lying

Testing. Testing.

Testing over the credits.

The credits that no one cares about.

"Ooh, we're the business people.

"Ooh, we want our credit

before the film starts, 'cause..."

Anyway.

The story you're about to see

takes place in a world

where the human race has never evolved

the ability to tell a lie.

This is a typical town in that world.

As you can see, people have jobs and cars

and houses and families,

but everyone tells the absolute truth.

There's no such thing

as deceit or flattery or fiction.

People say exactly what they think,

and sometimes that can come across

as a bit harsh.

But they've got no choice in the matter.

It's their nature.

Look, I'm not coming in to work today.

No, I'm not sick. I just hate it there.

Oh, your baby is so ugly. It's like a little rat.

Wow! I just took one of the biggest poops

of my whole life.

What are you ordering?

So if you're a chubby,

little loser like this guy, for example,

that's Mark Bellison, by the way,

then you're all alone

and at the bottom of the pile.

But later on in the story,

his luck's gonna change

when he tells the world's first lie.

He doesn't even know it himself yet.

So look forward to that.

Don't blow this.

-Hi!

-Hi.

You're early.

I was just masturbating.

That makes me think of your vagina.

I'm Mark. How are you?

A little frustrated at the moment.

Also, equally depressed and pessimistic

about our date tonight.

Sure.

I'm Anna. Come on in.

Um... Just wait there.

I need to finish getting ready.

While doing that,

I might realise I'm still horny

and try to finish masturbating

without you hearing.

I feel awkward now about being early.

Yeah,

I'm disappointed that you're early

and not really looking forward

to tonight in general,

but the thought of being alone

the rest of my life

scares both my mother and me equally.

Sure.

Oh.

I'm thinking you've started masturbating,

'cause it's like it's too quiet.

And you said you were gonna

try and do it without me hearing.

I'm worried the restaurant I've picked

isn't expensive enough for you.

It's all I can afford

in my situation.

I know I'm in my 40s,

but I haven't got any

financial assets to speak of.

Also, my boss said

he's probably gonna fire me this week.

Wow!

I just masturbated.

That makes me horny.

I hope this date ends in sex.

I don't find you attractive.

Oh!

Shall we?

Yeah.

-After you.

-Thanks.

-This is not as nice as I remember it.

-What are we gonna talk about?

Hi. I'm threatened by you.

Mark Bellison. Table for two.

Of course. Come with me.

Thank you.

Thank you.

-Plastic.

-I'm very embarrassed I work here.

-Hi.

-Hi.

-Hello.

-And you're very pretty.

That only makes this worse.

Can I get

you two started on some drinks?

- Yes.

- I'll have a Budweiser, please.

I'll have a mango margarita,

and I'll probably have three more drinks

by the end of the night.

-Your sister?

-No.

-Daughter?

-No.

She's way out of your league.

Thank you.

Shall I ask you

some questions about yourself?

Yes.

How do you spend your days?

I get up at 8:
00 in the morning

because the noise from my alarm clock

interrupts my sleep.

And I lean over and just turn it off.

Turn it off.

That's more specific than I thought.

-Oh. What did you want to know?

-Just...

-Well, do you have a job?

-I have a job in an office.

-What do you do?

-I'm an executive.

-Do you enjoy that?

-No.

-Oh!

-But I enjoy the end result of the job,

which is money.

And also the hours are pretty good

for the amount of money I make,

which I spend on things I like,

such as clothes and hiking and drinking,

even though I know it's bad for me.

But I'd rather just get all the money

and not have to work for the results.

Oh, sure.

Tell me something about you, though.

You already know a lot about me.

You know I'm good-looking

because, well, here I am.

And you know that I'm successful

because you've seen my apartment

and the clothes that I'm wearing.

And you know I'm happy

because I'm smiling.

-Are you always happy?

-Usually.

Some days I stay in bed, eating and crying.

-There you go.

-Thank you.

-I had a little sip of this from right there, so...

-Okay.

You guys ready to order

or do you need a moment?

I'm good.

Oh! I'll have the Caesar salad with chicken

because I think I'm fat,

but I also think I deserve

something that tastes good.

I'll have the fish tacos

'cause it's what I had last time I was here.

It's all I know.

Great. I'll get those two started.

If I gave you my number, would you call me?

No.

Sorry. It's my mom.

I think she's probably checking on the date.

It won't take long.

Hello.

Yes, I'm with him right now.

No, not very attractive.

No, doesn't make much money.

It's all right, though.

Seems nice. Kind of funny.

A bit fat.

Has a funny little snub nose.

Kind of like a frog in the facial area.

Yeah, but...

No, I won't be sleeping with him tonight.

No. Probably not even a kiss.

Okay. You, too. Bye. Sorry about that.

It's all right. Don't think twice.

How is your mum, all right?

-She's all right...

-Great. That's...

Thanks for going on this date with me.

You're way out of my league,

and I know you only did it as a favour to Greg

and I'll probably never

hear from you again, but...

I had a better time than I thought I'd have.

But I won't really know how I feel about you

till I'm a little less drunk.

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