The Hobbit

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This was Dale,

the City of Golden Bells,

in the time middle-earth,

before men came to power

and ruined magic forever.

And this is the Arkenstone of old,

the white heart of the mountain,

the central treasure of all the vast

treasures of this golden realm.

Suddenly, it was all destroyed, by

the monster lizard Slag the Terrible.

Slag, the agent of evil on earth.

And he dragged off

the treasures of Dale,

even the Arkenstone itself.

Only three survived the flames.

A watchman who slept when

the dragon came creeping,

Thorin Oakenshield, general of

the now destroyed garrison of Dale,

and princess Mika Milovana,

who sadly watched the crumbling

ashes of her once golden realm.

"Gandalf!" whispered

general Oakenshield,

"Only the great wizard

Gandalf can help us now. "

Three ragged and weary survivors of

Dale, the burned City of Golden Bells,

came to the lonely tower

of Gandalf the Grey.

"So it has come to pass",

said the great wizard,

"that Dale has been

destroyed by Slag,

and that he nests on the treasure in the

carved halls on the Lonely Mountain,

just as it is written

in the great book.

Then it is clear that

the time has come,

the time of the hobbit.

Far away from all the troubles

of dragons and treasure...

...lived a certain hobbit.

Like all hobbits he lived

in a hole in the ground.

It was a very comfortable home,

full of everything needed

for a cozy secure life.

A far different sort of life

than that of his great great

great great grandhobbit.

This settled and satisfied

hobbit was named Bilbo Baggins

And he didn't know

that his time had come.

All at once they were there,

eating his food, shouting for more,

filling the air with

terrifying words

about dragons, fire,

stolen gold and death.

"I don't know who you are, I don't

know what you're all talking about!"

cried Bilbo Baggins.

"We are talking about you. "

said the wizard Gandalf.

"You are the chosen dragon killer.

You shall lead this group over the

impassable Barricade Mountains,

through the impenetrable

Mirkwood Forest,

across the poisonous desolation

of Slag, to Lonely Mountain itself,

wherein the horrid creature lies.

You must creep into the deepest great

chamber of the old jewel mines of Dale

and kill the fire-spitting

dragon Slag.

"A fascinating story. "

said the small hobbit,

"And now if you've all

finished your breakfast,

it's been a great pleasure

to meet you,

...and I wish you lots

of luck and all speed. "

"But it is written in the prophecies. "

said general Thorin Oakenshield,

"We cannot go without you. "

"Then don't go at all. " shouted

Bilbo, "Leave that old dragon be. "

The princess was furious

and impatient with all this talk.

"Mr. Baggins", she shouted,

"That dragon has killed my

father and all of my people.

He has burned to ashes

my golden land of Dale.

Now he sits on our treasures,

and waits his time

to strike other lands,

maybe even here.

If you are all afraid

then I shall go alone. "

Bilbo was shocked. He

shouted at Gandalf,

"But this is crazy,

she's only a child.

You can't let her face this

journey, that dragon alone!"

"Correct" the great Wizard agreed,

"I'm glad you see it

at last dear Bilbo,

you can start first

thing in the morning. "

And so they set out to

follow the ancient map,

leaving the comforts

of Hobbiton behind,

and carrying barely enough food for

the usual hobbit between meal snack,

the conscripted dragon slayer

and the three survivors of Dale

struggled accross

the Great Barricades.

Gandalf the Grey watched

from his own distance.

He knew well what terror waited

along this craggy path.

A crushed cabin burns a

stolen lamb to feed groans,

hungry brutes with

skin as thick as bark.

But people-meat is

their favourite food.

The legends say that groans must

be in their caves before sunrise,

or they'll surely turn into dry trees,

rooted to the ground forever.

There was a long night ahead.

And this puny lamb would

serve only as an appetizer.

as the unsuspecting travellers

approached.

The smell of roasting lamb was too

much for the starving hobbit.

But the others, being

bigger and even hungrier,

knocked him spinning

into a hollow log.

In no time at all the three

were tied to the roasting spit.

But the second groan was angry

that the first had burned the lamb,

and demanded that the new victims

should be boiled instead of roasted.

The first groan furiously knocked

the spit from the flames,

and shouted that the second should

be happy to have people flesh at all.

Now the hobbit saw that

he might save the others,

if he could just keep the putchish

groans fighting among themselves.

He was a good mimic,

and he hoped the hollow log

would amplify his small voice.

The second groan's lips didn't move,

but his voice seemed to shout,

"No stupid ape like you can

tell me how to eat my food. "

"Who are you calling stupid you

ugly knothead?" roared the first.

Soon the dull-witted groans

forgot all about their dinner,

and were busily trying

to kill one another.

They fought and cursed each

other through the night,

till the first rays of the

sun caught them by surprise.

Bilbo had tricked them and now they

would be rooted to the spot forever.

Two less groans and two

more knolled dead trees.

As they moved forward again

across the Great Barricades,

the survivors had a new opinion

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