Stripes Page #2

I've had an interesting morning.

In the last two hours...

I've lost my job, my apartment...

my car and my girlfriend.

You still have your health.

Hey. Yes, thank you.

Toss that up here.

Yo. Here we are, my man.

All right, come to papa.

Toss that thing. Let's go.

Geez.

Thank you.

The army can make you feel

a lot of ways:

tired, challenged, trained.

This doesn't look bad.

What, the army?

You're kidding.

I've always thought

about joining the army.

Bullshit. You're not the type.

What do you mean

I'm not the type?

I've seen the kind of guys

that enlist in the army.

I saw them when I was working on

unemployment. They're like us.

Except they're not as sophisticated.

Yeah, they're not as old either.

I bet you can't do five push-ups.

Five push-ups?

I got three dollars

says I can do tive push-ups.

Okay, let's go. Five good ones.

Come on.

- Not marine push-ups.

- Simple push-ups.

I've never heard bones

creak like that.

That's none.

- I'm praying.

- You ought to.

Let's go.

There's a time limit here.

He's almost set.

He's eyeing that rug.

And that's one.

All right. He's off.

He's moving.

That's two.

Not that good though.

That's three.

I think you're ready

for the Special Olympics.

That's three.

- That's four.

- Four.

I was testing you.

And here goes five?

Will he do it?

Congratulations.

You just doubled your money.

I gotta get in shape.

I gotta dry out,

or I'll be dead before I'm 30.

The army's my only chance.

You could join a monastery.

Did you ever see a monk get

wildly f***ed by some teenage girls?

- Never.

- So much for the monastery.

You comin' in?

Hey, this is a loading zone.

You can't park here.

We're not parking it.

We're abandoning it.

I can't believe we're doing this.

Listen, if I get killed,

my blood is on your hands.

- Just don't get it on my shoes, okay?

- Hello.

I'm not saying that the army will be

able to do for you what it did for me.

All I'm saying is you get out of it

exactly what you put into it.

Now, sometimes the army's

your best shot.

There's some questions I have to ask.

They're a little personal.

Have you ever been convicted

of a felony or a misdemeanor?

That's robbery, rape, car theft,

that sort of thing?

- Convicted?

- Yeah.

- No.

- Never convicted.

That's good.

Are either of you homosexuals?

You mean like flaming or--

Well, it's a standard question

we have to ask.

We're not homosexual,

but we are willing to learn.

Would they send us

someplace special?

I guess that's no on both.

All right, now if you'll just give

Uncle Sam your autograph here.

"Sammy, get well soon."

That's good. Now your name.

Can I talk to you

for a minute?

I was wondering if you, uh--

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