Starship Troopers: Traitor of Mars

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1

MAN:
Officer on deck.

Today, you're going to locate

a medium-sized Bug colony

and wipe it out.

Intel estimates infestation

is level two.

Which means we're up against

1000 active defenders.

We know what to do.

Kill them all.

Ooh.

Yeah, that's the idea.

Run the plan,

lieutenant.

Yes, sir.

Uh...

Geo.

First team secures

the landing zone, sir.

Uh, Camacho.

We'll locate the target

colony's entrance, sir?

Uh, One-Oh-One?

We give them the gas.

Kills Bugs, but don't hurt us.

Baba.

[LAUGHS]

Oh, geez, that's me.

Flip the nuke,

flip the launcher on the nuke.

Ugh.

Oh, uh, but not yet.

Uh...Dutch.

Me and Bessie seal the deal,

right down their Bug hole.

MAN [OVER INTERCOM]:

Eagle One ready for takeoff.

Remember your training,

and stick to the plan.

Do you get me?

TEAM [OVERLAPPING]:

Yes, sir. We get you, sir.

Lock and load.

Yeah.

Let's do this.

All right, baby.

[]

MAN 1:

Eagle One, clear.

MAN 2:

Eagle Two, clear.

MAN 3:

Eagle Three, clear.

MAN 1:

Eagle One, touchdown in 10,

nine, eight,

seven, six, five,

four, three, two, one.

[GROANS]

[LOUD CRASH]

[HEAVY BREATHING]

[SQUEALS]

Geo, no!

No, no. God, no. No, no!

[ROARS]

Bug!

[SQUEALS]

[GUNFIRE]

Come on, you apes.

Move out. Move it. Let's go!

[ROARS]

Goddamn.

They don't quit.

What's your malfunction,

lieutenant?

Come on.

Go get them!

[GUNFIRE]

Form a perimeter!

Holy sh*t.

BABA:

Oh, man.

[SHRIEKS]

No time for praying, son.

I got your back.

Fire in the hole.

[BUGS SCREAM]

CAMACHO [LAUGHS]:

Nice one.

Camacho, 9 o'clock.

[ALL SCREAM]

Help me! Help me!

Camacho.

Colonel Rico!

Pull back. Stay close.

Oh, man.

We're surrounded again.

Here goes the gas.

[GRUNTS]

Oh, sh*t!

[YELLING]

Let the gas settle in.

Step back.

[GROANS]

[WHIMPERS]

Colonel Rico?

Rico, where are you?

Ow!

Who was that?

Whoa! I can't see anything.

Lieutenant,

use your infrared.

And keep

your head down.

Oh, right.

Um, okay, my infrared.

Infrared, infrared...

Oh, there you are.

That's not your infrared,

lieutenant.

Oh. Then what is it?

[ALARM BUZZES]

Well, that was just

outstanding.

Well, sir...

how come I always

get ripped in half?

Bugs got your number,

big man.

Colonel, no one told us

it was a trap.

That's not fair, sir.

Here's a little combat secret

for you, lieutenant:

War isn't fair.

It's always a trap.

Cancel your plans,

troopers.

We go again tomorrow.

Sorry, sir,

but don't you remember?

Tomorrow's Air Day.

Celebrating 25 years

of filtered Martian air.

Air Day?

Yes, sir.

We take our terraforming

very seriously.

No one appreciates

a nice gulp of fresh air

like a Martian, sir.

There are no Martians

in my Mobile Infantry,

lieutenant.

Only troopers who follow orders.

Do you get me?

ALL:

We get you, sir.

Same time tomorrow,

troopers.

Dismissed.

[ALL GROAN, MUTTER INDISTINCTLY]

What the hell

was that about?

[SIGHS]

So how about those new

Martian recruits?

If you've been watching,

you know.

Is there anyone

who isn't watching?

It's the wackiest sh*t

we've ever seen on FedNet.

[LAUGHS]

I call them my Lost Patrol.

I might feed them to the Bugs

and start over.

What do you expect from

a bunch of Martian farm kids?

How is it that I got posted

to the most uneventful colony

in the entire Federation?

Wait.

Don't answer that.

[SIGHS]

They could've made my life

a whole lot worse,

considering I'm the only

commanding officer

ever to let an Arachnid Queen

through our Terran defenses.

Don't be so hard

on yourself, colonel.

If you'd pulled that trigger,

we'd all be dead.

Thanks, Ratzass.

I need to stop

reliving that moment.

Shoot some caffeine?

Check this out.

[LAUGHS]

Colonial duty

isn't for everybody,

but Mars

is a sweet place

to kick back

and get some R&R.

Do I look like someone

who needs R&R?

I'd rather be stuck

on a Bug planet.

At least I'd have

something to shoot.

The Martians prefer

the slow life.

You know if they break away

from the Federation,

they're gonna stop contributing

to the war on Bugs.

Makes no sense.

[LAUGHING]

Nice.

Guys, here it goes:

"There are no Martians

in my Mobile Infantry.

Only troopers

who follow orders."

"And the orders are:

stay in your quarters

and don't have any fun."

[LAUGHTER]

DUTCH:
Yeah, that's right.

That's right.

"Real troopers don't celebrate

Air Day.

BOTH:

"Real troopers don't need air."

[ALL LAUGH]

You know, maybe it's true

what they say.

Maybe Martians

just aren't that smart.

That's what people used to say

about me back in high school.

[GASPS]

You idiot.

You idiot.

He totally heard you.

I rest my case.

Martians and their

goddamned air.

That sh*t is starting

to give me headaches.

Hey, look!

MAN:
Yeah!

I wonder where they're going.

The Fleet's making

a massive strike on the AQZ.

Oh! Yeah!

[]

[INDISTINCT CHATTERING]

What's the matter, Rico?

Can't stand sitting one out?

I'm Infantry.

We like to fight.

[]

NEWS NARRATOR:

There's a distinctly different

air to Air Day this year.

In addition to the usual

all-night parties,

Martian separatists

are using the holiday

to promote Martian

independence.

Recent opinion polls show that

one in three Martians are tired

of fighting a war

that doesn't affect them.

And a startling 73 percent said

they'd much rather drink beer.

Well, it looks like fun

to be a Martian,

but fun is for kids.

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