Splice

---

Okay, okay, I can see him.

- That's it. Here he comes.

- Careful.

All right. I got him. I got him.

- Sensors.

- Ahem.

- Vitals?

- Stable.

- Clamp.

- Scissors.

Scissors.

Severing umbilical.

Umbilical cut. Okay, clear.

Wait. Dropping fast. BP's dropping fast.

Respirations are slow,

shallow, and irregular.

- O2 sat's down 82 percent.

- BP 80 over 30. He's in V-tach!

- Get the paddles.

- May I have some Dopamine?

Dopamine.

- I've got the paddles.

- Okay. Everybody clear.

All clear.

Clear!

Heart rate's stable.

Easy. Easy.

Okay, we're good.

No physical discrepancies.

He's perfect.

He's just perfect.

I like Melvin.

He's much more of a Melvin.

Somehow Ginger and Melvin

doesn't have quite the same ring to it.

Okay, then, Fred it is.

All right.

Come on, little fella. Ahem.

Look at that.

He's so cute.

All set?

Let's do it.

All right.

- Okay.

- We're good.

Nice.

Ginger, meet Fred. Fred, meet Ginger.

- What are they doing?

- Imprinting.

See?

Love at first sight.

I wish you would fill me in.

I like to think we're a team.

I like to think I'm a sounding board.

- You're much more than that, Barlow.

- It's just another dog-and-pony show.

- We could splice a dog and pony.

- They can take the meeting for us.

Maybe I can help you with your publicity.

"If God didn't want us to explore

his domain, why'd he give us the map?"

Bumper-sticker wisdom.

I get it, and I am totally with you guys

on every level.

But Joan Charot can make or break

our project without even blinking.

We should all be nervous, as in

survival-instinct nervous, so come on...

...who's heads up?

I don't want to spoil the surprise.

Come on.

- You love surprises.

- No, surprises make me nauseous.

Over the course of the last

three years, our lab has combined...

...the DNA from a variety of species

to create a completely new life form.

And, as you know,

Ginger has exceeded all expectations...

...in her ability to produce

medicinal proteins for livestock.

What you don't know is that,

since the birth of Fred...

...we have an upgraded

splicing technique...

...which can be applied to the most

sophisticated of organisms, namely...

...human beings.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Hold on. Let's not get

too far ahead of ourselves.

By incorporating human DNA

into the hybrid template...

...we can begin to address any number

of genetically-influenced diseases.

Parkinson's, Alzheimer's, diabetes,

even some forms of cancer.

Well...

I can't tell you how, um, excited we are.

The entire board is thrilled

with the progress you've made...

...which is why we are so anxious

to move on to phase two.

- Phase two?

- The product stage.

We need to isolate the gene in Ginger

and Fred that produces your magic protein.

We are shutting down

the splicing facilities...

...retooling your labs

for intensive chemical analysis.

Shutting down?

I don't understand.

Uh, we're handing you

the medical breakthrough of the century.

We could begin...

Elsa! We all know that can't happen

right now.

The moral outrage would be

completely out of control.

I mean, regulators and politicians,

they'd tear us to pieces.

Please.

If we don't use human DNA now,

someone else will.

Look, we'd love to go there.

Shoot for incredible medical breakthroughs,

of course we would.

You put a viable livestock product

on the shelves...

...then we will talk about a 20-year plan

to save the world.

Right now, we need to start phase two...

...and you are the only ones who can do it.

We could quit. Go to Hamilton-Splinter.

Newstead owns our patents.

We'd lose everything.

Well? What?

I'm not spending the next five years digging

through pig sh*t for enteric proteins.

Me neither.

What's the profile?

Jane Doe.

Anonymous female donor.

Clean medical and heredity. The usual.

A dime a dozen.

One in a million.

- It's not working.

- What enzyme are you using?

It's not the cleavage.

They're digesting fine.

So?

The human Alu sequences

don't wanna bond with foreigners.

So what? We'll use a ligase other than T4.

We'll make them.

Oh, we'll just make them.

Yeah, we will. You know why?

Because Wired doesn't interview losers.

Sometimes I forget those

basic scientific principles.

This retarded, fascist,

ber music is the f***ing problem.

Got us thinking in circles.

You're right.

We have been dancing to the wrong beat.

Try this.

M3.

It's not working.

- Wait a second. It's happening.

- Why now?

I don't know, but they're on fire.

- We got the right temperature. The enzyme...

- They're changing partners.

- Everyone dances with everyone.

- You are Bob f***ing Fosse.

All right.

Biotechnology's most startling

breakthrough in decades...

...on ice.

Well, at least we know

we can do it, right?

Elsa.

Elsa, come on. What are you doing?

Elsa.

I'm too tired for this, Elsa.

Come on. I don't have the energy

to play with you right now. Elsa?

I'm not playing around with you.

Come on. Hey!

- What, did you recode the locks?

- I recoded the locks.

Come on. Open the door.

Elsa. Seriously.

You see, this is what's known

in couples therapy as emotional hijacking.

Elsa?

Come on, this is illegal. We're gonna

go to jail for this. Open the door.

Human cloning is illegal.

This won't be human, not entirely.

What? What are you doing?

Relax. We won't take it to term.

We need to know if we can

generate a sustainable embryo.

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