Space Chimps 2: Zartog Strikes Back

[Ripped from DVD by funnykiddy]

Hmm.

[Male Narrator]

The world watched as three brave chimps...

- boldly went where no man had gone before.

- [Crowd Cheering]

[Screaming]

- [Alarm Beeping]

- They flew through a wormhole...

and were the first to discover life

on another planet.

- That planet is called Malgor.

- [Giggles]

[Pop]

They even brought back

a strange relic of alien life...

on the nose cone of their rocket.

- And that Freznar-encased tyrant

from the planet Malgor-

- [Screaming]

Was called Zartog.

[Screaming]

[Spectators Gasping]

[Tires Screeching]

The world celebrated

these space chimp heroes-

- In newspapers, TV-

- [Crowd Cheering]

- and ticker tape parades.

- [Cheering Continues]

They've always been my heroes...

and I'm the tech whiz

who helped pilot them home.

They say everybody has their moment,

and It's finally my moment.

My name's Comet,

and I am the new recruit...

on the next Return to Malgor mission.

Computer, run systems diagnostics.

[Female Electronic Voice]

Systems on line.

Initiate preflight check.

- Propellant.

- Propellant, check.

- Cellerons.

- Cellerons, check.

- Video feed.

- Vldeo feed to Malgor, activated.

- Hi, Comet! What's up?

- Hey, Kilowatt!

Greetings from the cockpit of the Horizon.

Oh, cool! You're in the ship.

Have you heard anything yet?

No, but they will be posting

the launch date any time now.

Well, I hope it's soon.

I mean, our video chats are great...

but I could really use a friend

to hang out with.

I know. Me too.

It's just a matter of time.

Planet Malgor, here I come.

Gotta jet.

Call you at our usual chat time.

Okay. Bye, Comet!

Yaah!

[Grunts]

Whoo-hoo!

[Wheel Squeaking]

Greetings, small, furry one.

I am Lord Zartog...

- Conqueror of all Conquerors,

Ruler of all Rulers!

- [Whining]

Fear my wrath!

- [Urinating]

- [Grunts]

Revenge will be mine!

Watch your back, poochie.

- [Background:
Rock]

- 333,486.

[Grunts]

Titan, here's your morning power drink.

- You need a spotter?

- [Slurping]

Okay. I'm here if you need me.

Whew. Houston.

- One Grade "A" banana,

just like you ordered.

- Thanks, kid.

Gotta be in tip-top shape for the mission.

They haven't announced

who's going yet, right?

Hey, I know who's going to Malgor- me!

See ya.

- Lieutenant Luna, here's your mission report.

- Huh? Oh.

- Hey, do you have time to quiz me?

- Hmm.

I see you're busy. Maybe later.

- [Helicopter Approaching]

- Look! It's the presidential helicopter!

[Ham]

Thanks for the lift, guys.

If the president

wants to shoot hoops again...

just have him call my personal assistant!

Hey, Ham! Welcome back.

How was your trip?

Comet baby, my main monkey man!

Trip was awesome!

- Holdin' down the fort?

- You know it, Captain.

[Mock Coughing, Gasping]

Dry. Must have fruity drink.

Thank you.

[Slurps]

So, personal assistant,

how's Hammie's afternoon looking today?

- Let's see. You've got two commercials.

- Uh-huh.

- Your E! Profile.

- Uh-huh.

- And you're doing 60 Minutes and VHTCrlbs.

- Yeah. Love it.

And tonight you're guest-hosting

Stupid Pet Trlcks with Dave Leno.

- Eh- Love it.

- Oh, also-

Yeah?

I thought you'd like to see the results

of yesterday's photo shoot.

Brokeback Monkey?

You're the new face of Low Rider Jeans,

which is great P.R. For the agency.

[Slurping]

Ahh!

Yeah. Take a note.

No more Ham on horseback.

I think I bruised my butt.

You're the new sound of smooth jazz-

- Oh. Nice hair.

- You're on every box of Chimpa Noodles.

Chimpa Noodles, yeah

And here's the new campaign for Calvin Clone,

for their men's body wash.

Use Ham Body Wash so you can smell-

[Sniffing]

Just like me. Love it!

Like anyone would want to smell like you.

[Shushing]

I'm being famous.

Hmph.

Oh, you've got

your Katie Kellie interview.

But do you have some time now?

'Cause, remember...

you promised to show me

how to get shot out of the cannon.

Yeah, sure. Later, kid.

Right now, I gotta prep for my interview.

Katie is just too cute to wait.

- Let me run a couple of things by you, baby.

- [Sighs]

- I was figuring I'd give her

a little bit of this- [Howling]

- [Electrlc Gultar]

- [Continues]

- Wow!

And then cap it off with a little- Ow!

Moonwalkin'! Moonwalkin'.

Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

Huh! Pretty good, right?

[Sighs] Did you lose some brain cells

when we crash-landed?

- Pssh! Wh-Wh-Wh-Whoa!

- [Loud Clatter]

[Grunts]

Personal assistant?

Could I, uh, get a little

personal assistance here?

Uh-

Someday, that'll be me.

Whoa, whoal

[Grunting]

So we've redesigned the whole space center

from top to bottom...

So we've redesigned the whole space center

from top to bottom...

for our heroic astrochimps.

Now, there's a chimp Olympic pool...

there's a chimp massage center,

a chimp Jacuzzi...

a simian weight facility,

a chimp aromatherapy room...

the future monkey meditation center.

[Chuckling]

And we'll be upgrading

our heroic chimps' living quarters...

to five stars.

- Isn't that wonderful?

- [Reporters] Senator! Senator! Excuse me!

What will the chimps' next mission be?

The best way to fully understand

where we are...

is to inhabit... somewhere else.

[Llquid Slurps]

Oh. Oh, my!

Can you believe they actually came through

with the all-you-can-eat sundae bar?

Mmm. Delicious. Ah!

I adore rainbow sprinkles.

I calculate that my sundae

has over 4,000 rainbow sprinkles.

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