Scareycrows

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1

(OMINOUS MUSIC)

[WOMAN] If you go back

far enough I reckon everyone

must be related to a witch.

Don't call her a witch.

Why not, everyone else does.

In any case, witches were

just poor demented women

that got persecuted.

You think.

Of course.

It's not like they could

actually do anything.

You don't believe in spells then?

Of course not.

So, it wouldn't bother

you if I was to do this?

Stop it.

(CAT MEOWING)

That's horrible.

Cassie please that's not funny.

It can't hurt it, can

it, it's not real, is it.

- Stop it!

- Cassie!

(CAR HORN HONKING)

(BLOOD SPLATTERING)

(ROCK MUSIC)

Have you seen Esther?

Christ, Lindsey, nearly died there.

Oh sorry, have you though?

- Have we what?

- Seen Esther?

Hello Esther, did Lindsey

leave the door open again?

Come on I'd better take

you back, they'll be worried

about you.

Nevermind, she can't

have gone far, bless her.

You shouldn't be on your own

you know, there's no telling

what might happen to a

girl on her own after dark.

No thanks.

(OMINOUS MUSIC)

- Do you want us to help?

- No, no, no, we'll find her.

She's a sweetie really,

just a little bit confused.

(FROLICKING MUSIC)

Are you sure you don't want us to help.

She's sure.

Don't worry, don't worry we'll find her.

It's the third time this

week, we ought to have

a tracking device set into her nighty.

Yeah...

- It's okay, she's here.

- Ah...

Esther whatever were you doing?

What are you doing in there?

(GROANING)

I can't do this, I can't we're not kids.

We should have a place of our own by now.

We could go back to mine.

(GIGGLING)

(ANTICIPATORY MUSIC)

[AMY] Sorry.

I thought I heard you come in.

I thought you said you were going out.

We decided not to

bother, your dad's got one

- of his tummies.

- (LAUGHING) Right.

See you in the morning then.

- Yeah night, Mom.

- Night, night Amy.

Night, night Ryan.

(LAUGHING)

Ah sh*t.

[MOTHER] I keep telling him it's all

the brownies he's eating.

Mom, about last night.

It can't be any good for

him but he won't listen.

Mom.

Mom, I was wondering...

When I'm in my room,

do you think you could?

Do you mind knocking,

I'm not trying to be funny or anything.

Here he is now, Amy

and I were just saying

you'd be much better off

with a proper breakfast.

This is a proper breakfast.

Mom, I was trying to say...

You'd never guess this

was non-stick, would you?

Or we can talk about it later.

See ya later love.

(ROCK MUSIC)

- Morning, all right?

- Good morning.

Yeah that looks great.

- It does, isn't it?

- Yeah.

- See you later.

- See ya.

- Morning Simon.

- Oh morning Amy.

Hah, PC Summers, if you don't mind.

- Sorry.

- I'm on duty now.

In my official capacity as

a police community support officer.

- Right.

- I know some people

might find it petty, but,

I believe it's important

to maintain the dignity of the

police service, at all times.

Of course, sorry Simon.

In the kingdom of fairies and dragons

(MUMBLING)

There was a light princess

and an evil dark lord

Who wanted to insert his mighty sword

(MUMBLING) across the line

(MUMBLING) very fine

The goblin king, he danced and sung

And the (GROANING)

(HUMMING)

- Sorry!

- Sorry.

Are you all right?

Yeah.

No I'm not...

What's happened?

It's Nathan, he stood me up last night,

- I thought he loved me.

- Nathan?

He wouldn't do that.

He was supposed to be at

the pub after work last night,

then we had to look for Esther,

and I forgot to text him

to say I'd be late.

And he didn't show, have you called him?

I'm trying but he's not answering,

I've left messages but nothing.

That's weird, maybe

he's had his phone nicked.

You think?

Don't worry he'll turn up.

If I see I'll ask him to call you.

Okay...

(ELEVATOR MUSIC)

I'm not implying

anything, it just seems like

an awful lot of products.

Well maybe that's

because I've been dealing

with an awful lot of clients.

Really, only the incoming

for this quarter doesn't

seem to have gone up at all.

Well that's probably because

you've had to cut your prices

so low to get anyone in here at all.

Why is that I wonder?

If the customers were

happy with the service,

if they walked out that

door feeling pampered

and beautiful, with gorgeous hair,

I wouldn't have to rely on special offers

to drag them in, would I?

So you're saying there's

something wrong with my cutting?

Well would you want to face the world

- with a bob like that?

- It's the way she likes it!

(SCOFFS)

And what's this?

What it says, kennel fees.

It was my week off remember,

I was supposed to be on

holiday until you begged me to come in.

It was an emergency.

Oh only so you could go on a freebie

on one of your council trips.

This has nothing to do

with my work as a councilor.

I'm asking why you have put down 68 pounds

for kennel fees.

Because I agreed to

look after my sister's cat

during my holiday, what

was I supposed to do,

- leave it to fend for itself.

- It's a bloody cat!

That's what they do!

Right, that's it, I'm leaving,

I've put up with your

crap for long enough.

It's your bloody salon,

you cut the bloody hair!

F***!

F***, f***, f***!

Where's the appointments book?

- Here.

- I don't have time for this.

I'll put out an emergency call,

there must be a stylist somewhere.

I have finished my training now...

The next one is due at 10:15,

you'd better start phoning.

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