Religulous

This is it.

I'm standing on the very spot

where many Christians believe

the world will come to an end.

It's called Megiddo.

And it's the place that

the Book of Revelation says

Jesus Christ

will come down to

to end the world and save

the people who believe in him.

Now when Revelations

was written,

only God had the capacity

to end the world,

but now man does too,

because unfortunately,

before man figured out

how to be rational

or peaceful, he figured out

nuclear weapons

and how to pollute

on a catastrophic scale.

And if it's one thing

I hate more than prophecy,

it's self-fulfilling prophecy.

Sometimes in your search

for happiness,

you ponder the meaning

of your life.

Who am I?

How did I come to be?

Death, and then what?

I certainly honestly believe

religion is detrimental

to the progress

of humanity.

You know, it's just selling

an invisible product.

It's too easy.

These questions

about what happens when you die,

they so freak people out

that they will

just make up any story

and cling to it.

You know, things that they know

can't be true,

people who are otherwise

so rational about everything else,

and then they believe that

on Sunday

they're drinking the blood

of a 2,000-year-old God.

I can't...

that's a dissonance in my head.

I can't... I have to find out.

I just have to find out.

I have to try.

This is the Mount of Olives.

This is Jesus's footprints.

We're here freezing our ass off.

Is there anybody on the stage that

- does not believe in evolution?

- Yeah.

Hurry hurry hurry.

- I like my hat.

- You look good too.

Welcome to Bible Country!

"Birthplace of the Virgin Mary"?

I believe that God wants

everybody to be free.

That's what I believe,

and that's one part

of my foreign policy.

Bill, watch out.

Boy, do I feel cheap.

I want to thank God

for just blessing me so much.

Music has been

a blessing from God.

Thank you, Jesus!

You need a Holy Ghost enema

right up your rear end!

The archives are there on the fifth

floor where you see the curtains.

Yeah, put that away now.

Put that away.

If you look at my stand-up

from like the '80s... that era...

early '90s,

I talked about religion,

but I'm not ever questioning God.

I'm just making fun

about things

in the religion...

circumcision.

Circumcision...

I mean, I would've loved

to have been there for

the first people to hear about this.

We're used to it now,

but you know, I mean,

I'm sure when Moses came

down with this idea,

there had to be one guy going,

"Let me get this straight."

It was just

a gentle poking fun at Him.

It's almost like

I'm roasting Him.

My mother is Jewish and my father

is Catholic. That is the truth.

I was raised Catholic formally,

although I must say

the Jewish mind comes out

even in the Catholic system.

I'll give you an example.

We used to go into confession

and I would bring

a lawyer in with me.

You know.

Bless me, Father,

for I have sinned.

I think you know Mr. Cohen.

So let me get out some pictures.

There's me.

We weren't brought up Jewish.

I didn't even know

we had that side,

so it was very Catholic.

We went to church

every Sunday,

but I wouldn't take off the gun

and really when I think back,

it wasn't relevant

to my life.

Superman was relevant

and baseball.

We had this family

where one person

was Jewish

and the other three

were Catholic.

Now there it says

"A Sunday noon, fall '66,"

so we must've

just gotten back from church,

'cause I'm in a red suit

and you're choking the dog.

And I guess we got home from church

and took a picture with you.

It never occurred to me to say,

"Why didn't you go to church?"

Mom...

what church do we belong to?

I don't remember

this ever coming up.

Of course you didn't go

to church with us.

No, we never had a family

discussion about it, never.

We never had

a family discussion about that.

Every family is dysfunctional.

So you thought even this,

which wasn't your religion,

was better than no religion.

Well, even this only

told you good things...

I thought.

But it's just so shamelessly

invented as they go along.

- We can say that now.

- Was anyone...

When we quit

the church, I was 13,

and I was of course thrilled,

but not for any ideological reason.

I was just thrilled

'cause I hated church.

It scared me.

It was boring.

I had to get up

on Sunday.

I was 13.

I would've worshiped anything

that could've allowed me

to masturbate even more

than I was masturbating

or get a girl. That god I would have

definitely worshipped.

Why do you remember

Dad stopped going to church?

We used birth control,

and the church frowned

on birth control.

That was the biggest sin

- you could ever commit.

- Right, that would...

I think that was possibly...

he never said it to me.

And he never went back.

None of us ever did.

So now that we don't believe,

where did...

Nobody said we don't believe.

We don't believe in Catholicism.

Right, but what do

we believe in now?

Come on.

You're my mother, instruct me.

I don't know

the answer to that.

That's my answer.

We'll take some back roads to see

- some interesting stuff out here.

- Take some back roads.

We are heading toward Raleigh, right?

Oh, yeah, man, can't you feel it?

Do I stand up here?

So as I was going here,

I just jotted down

a few questions that came to my mind.

Are you ever bothered

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes