Killing Hasselhoff Page #2

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defeated by Sebastian's hollingbone.

Dude, I need you to be strong for me.

I really need you right now.

OK, I'm sorry. OK?

It... I'm just...

- Shaking me all the time, you know?

- I'm sorry.

Breakups suck. I get it.

You have nothing to worry about.

- OK, look. Blue skies ahead, buddy.

- You gotta buck the f*** up.

David Hasselhoff's throwing an after party

at your nightclub this Saturday.

- The Hoff?

- The Hoff.

- Is he gonna sing?

- Yes. No!

No? OK, good. I'll try and make it.

If I'm still of sound body and mind.

Yeah, OK.

Wait, wait. That feels weird.

- I'm sorry.

- Don't cry.

So, yeah,

I had Hasselhoff in the death pool

and was also hosting his after party.

Just cos I want Hasselhoff to die

doesn't mean that I'm not gonna try

to make a couple of bucks off of him

while he's still alive.

It's a win-win.

There he is. Here's my guy. Come on.

Not you. Hey. How are you?

- Hi, Tommy.

- You must be real proud of this guy.

Yeah, I am.

- Refill?

- Yes, please.

So Ann, where's Susan?

I'm sorry, but my roommate's never

gonna sleep with you. She's engaged.

I forgot that she's engaged.

Why does she have to be engaged?

Because engaged people

can't have sex with other people.

But, wait, they can!

And I'm gonna do it.

I'm gonna have sex with her and you

can't stop me from having sex with her

because I'm already having sex with her

in my head right now.

OK, yeah, that's very nice, Susan.

Oh, don't make Ann watch. That's...

Stop.

Copy that.

Dolores.

- Fishman, you OK?

- OK. Yeah. Yeah, I'm...

No. Yep.

- Good lad.

- I...

All right, everyone.

Let's give a warm welcome to our founder

and CEO, Mr Richard Mayweather.

Welcome.

All right, let's get down to business.

Now, company profits

have stalled in the third quarter.

I've been thinking long and hard

about how to turn things around

and here's some thoughts.

I want you to consider the difference

between steel and pudding.

They're both made out of molecules...

Sebastian!

It seems, my lady,

that my manhood has sprung to attention.

My dew-soaked ladydom awaits your staff!

I wish to ravish you on this table!

Sebastian! Yes, please!

Ravish away, Sebastian.

- My previous lover never gave me...

- Don't... Don't do that!

That's right, Fishman.

We can no longer stay passive.

My desire must be sated

in the most forbidden of places.

Now dispose of your skirt

and prepare to receive many sweet reams.

Oh! Yes!

No!

You're not f***ing her, do you hear?

I'll kill you, you son of a b*tch!

I'll rip your love muscle right off!

Do you hear me? I'll kill you!

- This is gonna be a big money night!

- It f***ing better be.

Chris, you worry too much about money.

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