Galaxy Quest Page #4

ALIEN:

...Yeah, I used to De Gark'nor of Ang but I got a rash from the

chest pads so now I'm Sacnod from episode 5, which is fine except

the transducer pinches when I sit down...

... They pass a group of particularly EARNEST FANS at a vendor's

booth, also costumed as the five GALAXY QUEST leads. Their

leader, BRANDON WHEEGER, inspects a seller's model of the

DEFENDER, contemptuously.

BRANDON:

The tail fin is concave, not convex. The proton reactor is where

the influx thermistors should be and.. my god... is this Testor's

blue green number six on the hull?

(drops the model roughly)

I... I... This is a complete abortion.

With curious glances to this similarly uniformed group, the

PECULIAR FANS move past, then come to a halt as they spot JASON,

up on a raised platform at the front of the hall signing

autographs for a long line of fans. The peculiar fans stare at

Jason as to they were in the presence of God. They exchange

astonished smiles, then start toward him...

THE CAST TABLE:

Tommy, Alexander and Fred sign autographs at a row of tables near

Jason, but significantly lower than his perch.

TOMMY:

Is it me or does his table get higher every convention?

One of many fans dressed as "Dr. Lazarus" steps up to Alexander

and salutes him with crossed fists.

FAN:

"By Grabthar's hammer, by the suns of Warvan, I shall avenge

you!"

Alexander ignores this, grabs the photo from his hand, signs it,

thrusts it back. The next fan steps up.

FAN:

"By Grabthar's hammer, by the-"

He signs and thrusts it back before he can even finish.

ALEXANDER:

Next!

Guy (the MC) approaches the actors at their tables.

GUY:

Hi everybody.

TOMMY:

Hey. Thanks for one nice intro... uh.

GUY:

Guy... You probably don't remember me do you? (They stare

blankly) I was on the show in '82. Episode 31? Got killed by

the lava monster before the first commercial? "Crewman #6?"

The actors pretend that they remember him. "oh, right! Guy!"

GUY:

Listen, I was wondering, would you guys mind if I sit in today?

See if anybody's interested in an autograph? Never know.

GWEN:

Sure, Guy, If you can stand the excitement.

Two more FANS dressed as Alexander's character approach him,

proudly CHATTERING at him in the Mak'tar language.

ALEXANDER:

Don't make me get a restraining order.

ACROSS THE ROOM:

THE PECULIAR FANS are making their way through the crowd toward

Jason. We suddenly notice something very strange; THE LEFT HAND

of the tallest one is flickering between a normal hand and A HAND

WITH SEVEN LONG BLUE TENTACLES FOR FINGERS. The LEADER notices

and motions to the afflicted man who raps sharply against a metal

blinking box on his belt. The hand becomes normal again. He looks

up, nods at the leader. From now on we'll refer to these 5 as THE

ALIENS.

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