Futurama: The Beast With A Billion Backs
Previously on Futurama.
Hey?
It has now been one month
Terrified earthlings
are beginning to grow exhausted.
Professor, sprinkle us with
wisdom from your mighty brain.
Somewhere between
not at all and entirely.
I call entirely.
Scientists believe the rip is a gateway
to another universe,
but do not know
what mysteries lie beyond.
However, in this reporter's opinion
And now with sports,
here's Sportsbot 5000.
All sports canceled.
To better understand the anomaly,
I will now focus its radiation
on a giant medium-sized ant
to see what happens.
What's going on here?
I was told there would be sugar syrup.
Quiet, you.
Oh, hey, everyone, this is Colleen.
Hello!
I like your shoes.
This is awkward.
Introducing your new girlfriend
to Chesty McNag-nag.
Oh, don't mind him. I'll turn him off.
Hey, you can't turn me off...
Hi. I'm Leela.
Hi, Leela, hi, everyone.
Sorry I've been taking up
so much of Fry's time.
He's just so interesting.
Have you seen how much
cotton candy he can eat?
Oh, my, yes. 5.1 pounds.
That's why his blood
is so good on pancakes.
Well, got to skedoodle-oodle.
We're taking a cuddle-cab
to Hug-a-Bunny Village.
This lovey-dovey stuff is making me vomit
from my saltwater
and freshwater stomachs.
It is pretty sickening.
No, the double-vomit is a sign of joy.
Fry told me how he and Colleen first met.
So, how did you and Colleen first meet?
Well...
on the Jumbotron
makes it so much more real.
It's so scary.
What are you supposed to do
when the whole universe
is coming to an end?
I have a thought.
This is gonna be juicy.
What? Oh, man!
Speaking of sappy love...
Want to tell them, Kiffy?
Yes, Amy and I have a big announcement.
I... That is, we...
Oh, I'm just so excited.
Kif has asked me to be his Fonfon Ru.
- Mazel tov!
- Wonderful!
What the hell does that mean?
It means I've asked Amy to join my family.
And you're all invited to my family swamp
for our Fonfon Rubok ceremony.
If I had ever heard of it,
it would have been
And our parents will be meeting
for the first time ever.
That's even more awkward
than Fry's two bimbos meeting each other.
Count me in.
Mr. And Mrs. Wong, aren't you excited
that we're all about to be joined
in a single family?
You can't borrow money.
Kif's parents come late
and we have to stand around in swamp
getting eaten alive by damn bugs?
Mrs. Wong, no.
The final stage of my species' life cycle
is a colony of flying hookworms.
You just squashed part of my father.
- Welcome.
- Sorry.
bugs to spare though, huh?
That was my left testicle.
And the awkward meter
goes up another notch.
Wow, Colleen, you look so beautiful
in the light of the swamp gas.
Thanks. This is really fun.
and getting hammered.
Me, too.
Two more Harvey Wallclimbers.
Leela, I can't help
but notice you're unescorted.
Might I escort you behind that bush
for the next five minutes?
Then how about that shrub?
Ooh! Rubok is begun.
I am the grand priestess.
Aren't you also the grand midwife?
I work five jobs, all grand.
Kif of the clan Kroker,
please trescend the Rubok Etlon
- What?
- Get in the mud.
This mud is the petroleum from
a billion generations of Kif's ancestors.
As you become one with the ooze,
so you become one with the clan Kroker.
Oh, Kif, it's like a movie
with this happening in it.
Is the best man present?
Guilty as charged.
Kindly hose the couple.
As it was, so it is.
You may now eat the snake.
If you so choose.
It's not part of the ceremony.
I just had an extra snake.
Rubok is complete. Throw the bouquet.
Are you going to eat that?
Fry, run, run.
Get over here, oh, my God, oh, my God!
What? What is it?
Shut up already! Calculon's on TV!
I beg you, Calculon,
don't ring that door chime.
I have no choice, Monique.
Whoever the blackmailer is,
Calculon residence.
Oh, hello, Mr. Calculon.
Son of a bit. This is my house.
But that means I'm blackmailing myself.
Why didn't you tell me, Monique?
I tried to, but I couldn't.
Oh, Calculon, I'm afraid
you have a fourth personality
the other three don't know about,
and it and I
are lovers!
How's Calculon going to take this, Fry,
especially after that
humiliating tennis tournament?
- Fry?
- Don't know, Bender.
Tonight's my big date with Colleen.
I got to run.
But me and you like to watch together.
Look, I got you a cabbage to snack on.
Humans like cabbage, right?
Step right up to the 2D Tunnel of Love.
Not one, not three,
but two glorious dimensions
for the price of a single ticket.
Keep your hands in the car,
shut up, and have fun.
Wow, you even look beautiful in 2D.
I do?
But from your perspective,
I'm just a line segment.
A really hot line segment.
So, listen, sweetie pie,
I was thinking maybe we should
take this to the next step.
Really?
Yes. Colleen...
...will you be moved in with by me?
- Way to go.
- Hooray, hooray.
- That's great.
- You're moving in with her?
Why can't she move in with us?
I could just curl up at the foot of the bed.
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"Futurama: The Beast With A Billion Backs" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 27 Apr. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/futurama:_the_beast_with_a_billion_backs_8715>.
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