Attacked on Set

It's nice out here huh?

Yeah right.

You want to hit this?

No, I'm good.

What do you mean "you're good"?

This place freaks me out!

Can we get the f*** out of here already?

The tow truck is coming, okay?

I'm sorry I locked my keys in the car.

We don't have any cell phone reception!

It's f***ing cold out here! It's hunting season!

I'm gonna take take a piss. I will be back in just a minute.

Will you hurry up!? I don't want to be left here by myself!

I'll be back.

Hurry!

text:
"Sex with a donkey"

Eww gross!

noise:
"weird animal sounds"

Hello?

noise:
"weird animal sounds"

noise:
"weird animal sounds"

I'm back!

Don't scare me like that!

I was just joking.

You get so spooked.

What?

I just don't want to be here!

They're coming.

The tow truck is coming.

I just want to be someplace warm.

Oh yeah

Cuddle.

Noise:
"arrow impact"

Noise:
"scream"

Oh my god! Oh my god!

Noise:
"arrow impact"

Noise:
"scream"

Noise:
"footsteps"

Noise:
"audience laughter"

Noise:
"audience applause"

Intro carnival music

Music gets louder, faster and punk rock.

What the f***!

Cut!

Alright guys, that is a wrap.

We're checking out studio space tomorrow.

It came right off!

Can we get an arrow that actually sticks on my forehead?

What'd you think of that last scene?

I think it's stupid.

You think it's stupid? You weren't even watching it!

You're too into your damn phone!

Well, I saw enough to know that it's stupid.

An arrow. Really

Please, please, please park in town

and I'll be by to pick you up in the van okay?

You're just jealous because I couldn't get you in the project.

You gotta learn how to act first.

You can't just become a movie star overnight.

Stick your tongue out again I kind of like that.

Nice take buddy.

Thanks buddy. Thanks.

You hear that?

Super star. That's why you love me huh?

Don't you have a girlfriend in LA?

Look at you cock blocking.

I try to pick up a different girl in every city.

You know there's a difference between picking someone up

and ordering someone. You know?

Picking up sounds better.

Are all those trees dead?

Yes. It's sad isn't it?

Well, come with daddy.

Alright guys, let's get out of here.

We've got a meeting with the studio tomorrow.

I told you we needed freeway visibility!

This place is in the middle of nowhere.

Alright.

I guess we can make it work.

This is after all a future home for

a statue of the great leader of the United States of America.

Oh, and cut down all these trees.

We need to make room for a parking lot.

Alright. Good enough.

I'll start tagging the trees that have to come down.

Thanks. Bye.

Oh, I don't think so!

Excuse me?

I hope you're not planning on cutting down that tree.

Why is that?

I'll tell you why!

You see that nest up there?

Yes.

It's home to the last living

passenger parrot in the whole world.

They estimated, that one time, there used to be

three to five billion passenger parrots.

And then all those Europeans came to

North America and then they killed them all!

That's the last living one

in that tree.

Interesting. Well thank you for the information.

However, I don't give a sh*t!

You have about 30 seconds to get the f*** off my property!

I have a lot of work to do.

If I see you again, I'll shoot you you!

You hold on right there!

You see this?

Yeah.

I have every legal right to be here.

I have something sign from the conservation office!

Thank you very much.

Look.

I'll be back in the morning with the chainsaw.

If you want that bird to live

you better take it with you.

Because in the morning, that trees coming down.

Don't you worry.

I will stay here all night if I have to.

I will not let anything bad happen to you!

Noise:
"parrot squaks"

Noise:
"car doors opening"

So this is our studio.

I thought we were looking at more than one?

This place sucks!

This is the only one in town so

Why don't we check it out first?

and then we'll determine

whether it's good or bad. ok?

Alright, lets go?

Hey. Come on.

Noise:
"moaning girl"

Noise:
"moaning girl"

Hi! Welcome to budget studios.

Ya'll must be the movie crew.

Which one of you is the director?

Yeah, we are here to rent one of the studios.

We need for a film we're shooting.

There's a refundable deposit required

before the tour can begin.

You have to pay that right now.

Talk to my producer.

He's the money guy.

Hey!

Where's the producer?

I don't know man.

Maybe maybe he's making out with that slut downstairs?

Wasn't he right behind you?

It's your boy.

I don't know where he's at.

Why the f*** is she here?

This is my model girlfriend.

As you can see

I bring her to set with me all the time.

She makes me a better actor.

Okay. Okay.

Got the checkbook?

Thanks.

Sorry I'm late.

Where the hell have you been?

I had to get more tapes.

You know I have to get more tapes if I'm shooting BTS.

I hired you to make behind-the-scenes footage.

Turn the camera on and start filming!

You're missing the good stuff!

Turn it on!

I want you covering everything

if I catch you not covering something

you're fired got it.

Got it?

Got it?

Dude!

Let's get this tour over with.

We have a movie to film.

Get a shot of this guy painting.

It makes good behind-the-scenes footage.

Got it.

Jesus. This place is awesome.

I filmed in the studio here before.

The one we're about to see.

Well, I definitely appreciate it.

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