M*A*S*H script
M*A*S*H  Episode #Final Draft (1972)
Synopsis: Members of the 4077th Mobile Army Surgical Hospital care for the injured during the Korean War and use humor to escape from the horror and depression of the situation. Among the 4077's people are Capts. Benjamin "Hawkeye" Pierce and "Trapper John" McIntire, Majs. Margaret "Hot Lips" Houlihan and Frank Burns, and Cpl. Walter "Radar" O'Reilly.

Hawkeye takes the driver's seat. Duke, getting into the right-

hand side, has no objection, just a question.

DUKE:

You got directions?

HAWKEYE:

Ayuh, only it's early, I need a drink

to wake me up.

DUKE:

I got some.

He turns around and opens his barracks bag, where he finds a

pint bottle conveniently located near the top.

HAWKEYE:

Make it yourself, or is it real?

DUKE:

Georgia, where I come from, it's

real if you make it yourself. But I

been buying from the Yankee Government

since they put me in this soldier

suit and give me a rate.

HAWKEYE:

Tax-free booze. It's about all you

can say for army life.

DUKE:

(passing bottle)

Where you from with that crazy way

of talking?

HAWKEYE:

Crabapple Cove. Maine.

DUKE:

Damn! That must be about as far north

as you can get.

HAWKEYE:

Pretty near. What do you know about

the outfit we're going to?

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Ring Lardner Jr.

Ringgold Wilmer "Ring" Lardner Jr. (August 19, 1915 – October 31, 2000) was an American journalist and screenwriter blacklisted by the Hollywood movie studios during the Red Scare of the late 1940s and 1950s. more…

All Ring Lardner Jr. scripts | Ring Lardner Jr. Books

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