Death to Smoochy Page #4

EXT. CONEY ISLAND BOARDWALK - NATHAN'S HOT DOGS - SHORT

WHILE LATER:

Sheldon and Nora stand at the crowded counter at

Nathan's. Sheldon ravenously eats his sloppily-

garnished, oddly colored hot dog. Nora winces as

she watches him.

(CONTINUED)

10.

CONTINUED:

SHELDON:

(with full mouth)

Soy dogs... never thought I'd

live to see the day. Organic,

rich in natural protein, and

nobody gets killed. Although I

do feel bad for the beans. Just

kidding. Sure you don't want one?

NORA:

Believe it or not, no.

He takes another bite.

SHELDON:

So anyway, like I was saying,

people always tell me, 'You gotta

network, Sheldon... you gotta sell

yourself... or you'll be playing

the drug clinics and shopping

centers the rest of your life.'

And you know what I tell 'em?

NORA:

I haven't the foggiest.

SHELDON:

I tell 'em, it's not about the old

handshake and back slap game.

It's not about adding fuel to the

shlock machine. It's about doing

good work. Having integrity.

Making people happy and delivering

a positive message. Foundations

are built with concrete, not

plaster of Paris!

He pulls the stained, misshapen Smoochy head from theshopping bag.

SHELDON:

This is concrete! This is

integrity!

NORA:

(calmly)

I can see that.

Sheldon realizes his voice was getting too loud.

SHELDON:

Sorry. As you can imagine, living

by your convictions can be a

little stressful at times.

(CONTINUED)

11.

CONTINUED:

NORA:

We all have our cross to bear.

SHELDON:

See, I was raised by mygrandfather, and Grandpop paveddriveways for a living...

NORA:

Are we going into a story?

SHELDON:

Thing is, he didn't really pavethem. Just covered them with

black paint. Of course, once the

first rain came along, peoplerealized they'd been swindled. I

vowed to myself back then that I'dnever make a living throughdeception. Never. Whadda yathink of them apples?

Nora looks glassy-eyed. She takes a deep breath.

NORA:

The reason I'm here today, Mr.

Mopes, as fate would have it,

Kidnet is currently looking for aperformer with... convictions.

And integrity. Someone like...

She almost chokes on the word.

NORA:

... yourself.

Sheldon laughs.

SHELDON:

Yeah, right. Got any more jokes?

NORA:

I don't think I could top that

one.

SHELDON:

Hold the phone. You're telling methat Kidnet is finally ready to doa show of Smoochy quality? Of

Smoochy caliber?

(CONTINUED)

12.

CONTINUED:

NORA:

(dryly)

Yes... I believe we're ready to

push ourselves to that level.

SHELDON:

I knew this day would come!

After all these years I finallymeet someone in the business who

gets what I do. Who gets what I'mall about. You get me, don't you,

Nora?

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