Watch it now
man in a puffy foam-rubber rhinoceros costume dancingunder the bright friendly lights of a television studio.
Another rhino and various foam-rubber animals dance
behind him to the happy MUSIC. The rhino finishes his
number and takes a bow. A bleacher full of kids bursts
into wild applause.
INT. BACKSTAGE - MOMENTS LATER
After the taping. The rhino lumbers down the hallwaytoward wardrobe. He is suddenly grabbed by two large menand dragged out through the exit into...
INT. DARK PARKING GARAGE
... where several thugs in overcoats emerge from theshadows and start beating him with lead pipes. One of
the men pulls out a GUN and SHOOTS the rhino severaltimes. The SHOTS REVERBERATE through the empty garage.
CUT TO BLACK:
ONE YEAR EARLIER
FADE UP ON:
INT. TELEVISION STUDIO - DAY
It's the taping of another children's show -- "RainbowRandolph and the Krinkle Kids." RANDOLPH SMILEY, a
clean-cut man with a happy face and yellow bow tie,
dances through Rainbowland with the "Krinkle Kids"
(little people in top hats). He sings one of hissignature songs: "Friends Come In All Sizes." One of
the main Krinkle Kids -- ANGELO PIKE -- dances behind
'Friends come in all sizes
That's a fact! It's True!
All colors of the rainbow
from Mauve to Blue...
Their names may not be differentand their shoes may not matchOne might say 'grasp' while the
other says 'snatch'Some like to toss while others
like to caaaaatch... Beeee
Friends come in all sizes
Take it from me! Golly Gee! Size
never matters when you want somefriendly patterFrom a pal who is true and canlift you when you're blueYou can count on him and he can
count on yoooouuuu!
It's true... that...
Friends come in all sizes!'
MONTAGE - RAINBOW RANDOLPH MERCHANDISE
"Sugar Rainbows Cereal," plastic toys lined up on storeshelves, kids playing with Randolph dolls, kids eating"Rainbow Potato Chips" and "Rainbow Candies." A "Rainbow
Burster," a kind of gun that shoots plastic rainbows.
Marquees announcing upcoming live appearances, etc. We
get the picture. Rainbow Randolph is the king of thekid shows.
INT. DIMLY-LIT BAR - NIGHT
A suburban-looking HUSBAND and WIFE enter. They findRainbow Randolph sitting alone, drinking a Scotch. Hair
slicked back, sans bow tie, the friendly face no longerlooks so friendly. He nods for them to sit down. After
a nervous beat, the Husband puts a briefcase on the tableand slides it to Randolph. Randolph takes a gulp of hisScotch. He unsnaps the briefcase and opens it. Five
grand stares him in the face.
So... uh... you'll make sure myboy dances up front, right? Where
he'll get the most camera time?
Randolph slams the briefcase shut, startling the couple.
You want your kid on the show?
Of... of course.
Yes, very much.
Then don't tell me how to run myfucking business.
No, no, we were just -
Randolph rises. He takes a final gulp of his Scotch andpicks up the briefcase.
I'll call you if a spot opens up.
He starts to walk off. Suddenly, the Husband and Wifejump up from the table holding guns.
Freeze, you cocksucker!
Drop the briefcase!
Federal agents storm into the bar and surround Randolph.
EXT. TIMES SQUARE - DAWN
Translate and read this script in other languages:
Select another language:
Discuss this Death to Smoochy script with the community:
Use the citation below to add this screenplay to your bibliography:
"Death to Smoochy" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2017. Web. 21 Aug. 2017. <http://www.scripts.com/script/death_to_smoochy_339>.